7 Glorious Attributes Fat Guys Can Use to Get Laid

Fat Dad Appeal

If a pretty girl has caught your eyes long enough to tear you away from your daydreams of deep-fried pizza coney dogs, there is an initial step you need to find out first. Does she have a fat dad? Does she have a fat brother? If the answer is yes, than this is an Achilles heel that you can expose to work your way in there. Fat men mean the world to her, be jolly and smooth and maybe, just maybe you will be given the green light to show her 10 bad minutes!!

Masters of Cunnilingus

During the short stretches of time between jerking off and eating, every chunky fella in the universe should be dedicating themselves to the art of Cunnilingus. We are givers. And because of all the chewing we do in the offseason… our jaw muscles are mighty. A fat man that excels in this department will ensure his way to a repeat customer. Eating is in our souls.

Culinary Skills

Getting a smoking hot little vixen to overlook your decades of holiday pounds is no easy task. You will need to do everything in your power to make her accept the fact that you both have boobs. Naturally, as a large man… an understanding of the culinary arts is weaved into the very fabric of your being. Use it, impress her with a delicious homemade meal. This will mean that she is already in your house and you will be one step closer to being one of her bad decisions!

Less Judgement

Hot chicks have had to deal with good looking dudes as far back as they remember. Good looking bros have little patience for girls that let themselves go in any of the looks department. A fat guy is the Jedi to the good looking guy's Sith. Judge, do not and get laid you will. Be careful though, being too nice and complimentary can lead to the friendzone. Tread lightly, heavy brethren.

All Our Shirts Can Double as Comfortable Girl's Sleepwear

A girl is programmed with an intense love for comfortable sleepwear. This is a natural evolution that is necessary, because if a girl didn't wear that old faded out shirt and aweful ass-eclipsing sweat pants and slept naked.. we would literally NEVER stop trying to bang them and they wouldn't get any sleep. A girl will love the fact that all of your shirts can double as a tent cape!

We Let You Take Control in Bed

Understand, that your physical nature makes it risky to bang like an angry rabbit. Spin this around. Get her motor running, and let her take charge. Letting her be on top is a fat guy's best position. You'll save precious energy for the snack run you'll embark on while she's sleeping.

We Are Naturally Funnier

While it seems like absolute lies, a girl really will appreciate a sense of humor. Most fat guys have learned over the years that they have a natural ability to bring the chuckles. Be funny, make her laugh, but don't self deprecate too much or your wide ass will be firmly planted in the hopeless void we know as the friendzone.

Heed this advice my rotund brothers and you could find yourself makin' the sex with a lady that doesn't look like John Madden in drag!

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