Either Ban The Ocean Or Die At The Hands Of This Giant Squid

Look, I’ve been firmly anti-ocean for years now. What’s it gotta hide? Why is it not letting anyone see what’s in and on it the way land does.

Land, now there’s something with nothing to hide. But the ocean? It stays dark because in it festers all the horrors of this Earth. And the better technology gets, and the more we get a closer look at what’s inside, the more adamant I get in believing that our best course of action is to drain it.

“Fucking suck up that water,” I say and let every fetid sea beast who calls it home writhe in agony upon the bottom of its floor. I, for one, would be willing to poke each creature with a stick. Not only to confirm death, but to gloat over conquered foe.

Then–and only then–should we pump back in the water and start anew.

It’s the only reasonable course of action.

Or whatever, keep the ocean. Go swimming. Just know that this motherfucker is chilling in there, too.

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[Via, oddly enough, Fox News]