Millennials have been taking a beating this week for the only reason there is to ever dump on millennials, that they are lazy, iPhone-addicted, app-dependent, narcissistic, entitled, incapable imitations of what real humans should be at the age of 24.
It all began with a Yelp employee’s essay about how her salary wasn’t enough for her to TaskRabbit her groceries to where she was waiting for her Lyft Line in San Francisco and cascaded into a collective bleating of internet voices about how everyone who wasn’t a millennial was actually a Chinese immigrant who, when they moved to San Francisco, was immediately whisked away to work on the Transcontinental railroad, where they died.
Or some shit. Whatever.
I crap on millennials a lot, but not because of any of the above. It’s okay to be entitled, I love being lazy, and, like, shit, why wouldn’t you want the world to revolve around you? I know I certainly do. No. No. I just crap on millennials because they’re such low-hanging fruit. They make is SO easy.
Like their responses in this survey mentioned in a New York Times article about the declining popularity of a certain breakfast food. Time was, a man had to raise his own pigs to get his rasher of bacon.
Nowadays, with only three minutes to walk down the block before the UberPOOL to the open office shows up, that you can telecommute from anyway if you want, millennials are finding the tiresome process of cleaning up after a bowl of cereal to be too much.
You read that correct. Cereal. Is too exhausting. A process. For millennials.
The dream of all these companies is to capture the all-powerful and elusive millennial eater, who just isn’t all that into cereal for breakfast. It’s just too much work, for one thing. Almost 40 percent of the millennials surveyed by Mintel for its 2015 report said cereal was an inconvenient breakfast choice because they had to clean up after eating it.
UGH WHY WON’T TECH CRUNCH DISRUPT HACK MY BREAKFAST ALREADY.
[Via The New York Times]