Canadian Mounties Find Naked Man At Gas Station Covered In Milk After Bear Spray Fiasco

Cops were called to a gas station in Edmonton to … I don’t know, “contain”?… a situation in which a man had accidentally sprayed himself with Bear Spray, stripped naked, then rubbed his genitals with his shirt that was soaked in homogenized milk. Why the writer of this article felt the need to specify the type of milk is beyond my pay scale.

According to reports, the man initially claimed he was attacked by someone wielding the bear spray, but upon further review, the forensics and analytics teams (seriously?) concluded it was self-inflicted.

[protected-iframe id=”e69f32d91e851d298ed95ba5d40d42f6-97886205-7375967″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/6yiYt8LHN2d1K” width=”650″ height=”356″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]

via GIPHY

A) Bear spray exists. I had no clue. B) Bear spray is like pepper spray on steroids. C) FIVE other people were found doing the same exact thing as this dude on the front lawn of a home. D) Canadian teens use bear spray as a weapon.

As nuts… pun intended… as this sounds, the chain of events makes sense…

People were surprised this didn’t happen in Florida…

Some others thought it was Eric Andre up to his ol’ tricks…

Which leads me to ask: Why doesn’t Eric Andre set up shop in Florida?

This comment had me rollin’…

While this comment makes me want to go all Man On Fire on these teens…

Worse than the Knockout Game? Almost. On one hand, you can kill a person with a properly placed punch, but the excruciating pain from my you loins being en fuego might make you wish for the sweet release of death.

And then there’s this…

WTF indeed, Edmonton.

“Cop logic”. Definitely an oxymoron.

Via Reddit, Edmonton Journal