According To New Study Beards Are Crawling In Poop Particles

Beard Axe


At some point every bro will need to make this decision: beard or poop face. According to new research on the bacteria found in beards, apparently the hair found on your face is literally crawling in the same fecal bacteria found on toilets and inside your butt. That’s right, the beard on your face is no cleaner than your toilet, and this is according to science so it’s not up for debate.

The study was undertaken by KOAT news out of Albuquerque, New Mexico and enlisted the services of Microbiologist John Golobic to discover just what’s living inside beards. As you have learned by now, what’s living in and on beards is POOP. There’s dung on your chin, there’s crap on your cheeks, there’s shit on your lip. Why haven’t you shaved yet?!?

From KOAT news:

A handful of brave men allowed Action 7 News to swab their beards, and the results showed some beards are as dirty as toilets.
Quest Diagnostics microbiologist John Golobic tested the swabs, and the results blew his mind.
“I’m usually not surprised and I was surprised by this,” Golobic said.
Several of the beards that were tested contained a lot of normal bacteria, but some were comparable to toilets.
“Those are the types of things you’d find in (fecal matter),” Golobic said, referring to the tests.
Even though some of the bacteria won’t lead to illness, Golobic said it’s still a little concerning.
“There would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing,” Golobic said.
Golobic recommends a thorough beard scrubbing and lots of hand-washing.
“(Also), try to keep your hands away from your face, as much as possible,” he said.

So the key to maintaining a beard and NOT being covered in crap is to wash your hands a lot? I’m not buying it. This sounds like the same truthers that want to tell me how hand sanitizer is going to create the next ebola that’ll wipe out the entire USA.

I think there’s only two appropriate courses of action here: you either rock the beard and know you’re wearing a shit-covered wreath on your face, or you shave it all off an spend the rest of your life telling bros with beards how there’s poop in their facial hair. Which path you choose is entirely your decision.