Boston ‘Poop Bank’ Offering $40 A Day For Your Dumps

If you spend a couple hours a day on a porcelain bowl, and could use a little extra cash, you might want to take a road trip to Boston. There’s a poop bank looking for a study flow of deposits.

Launched in 2012, OpenBiome is the only independent nonprofit stool bank in the country. OpenBiome “collects, tests, and provides fecal samples to 122 hospitals in 33 states for one of the most interesting medical treatment innovations today: fecal microbiota transplantation” according to

“Think of us as a blood bank, but for poop,” said MIT postdoctoral associate Mark Smith, who developed OpenBiome when he saw the opportunity to provide patients with possibly life-saving fecal samples. “You shouldn’t have to fly across the country to get poop.”

I never want to fly cross country to get my shit.

Now there will be screening involved in the process, you’re not just going to arrive in Beantown and start taking hot dumps for $40 a day. But there is good news for bros — OpenBiome targets younger, healthier adults and the average donor’s age ranging from late 20s to early 30s.

I’m about to make a contribution right now. I’m not in Boston. I’m going to mail it. Anyone have heavy duty duct tape for the box?


Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.