Q: Recently, every time I orgasm I get a nosebleed. Weird, I know. If a girl is drunk enough I can usually blame it on them/their period, but that doesn't always work. I want more with a girl than a one night stand but this makes it pretty difficult. How do I explain my problem?
A: This one took a moment to digest. And bro, weird is an understatement for this “situation”. I mean seriously– what the fuck are you telling me right now?
To my knowledge the nasal cavity and prostate are in no way related…but I'm no doctor and shit, I learn something new everyday from you bros and your fucked up bedroom quirks.
But unless you're leaving out an obvious explanation like a chronic sinus infection or a bad coke habit…you should stop consulting my wisdom — albeit consistent and sage –and seek immediate medical attention. Actually though, stop whatever the fuck it is you're doing and have someone drive you to the ER. Fixing the problem should be your main concern, rather than thinking of a lie to cover up. Especially when the problem has to do with blood gushing from your nose…during sex.
And as a side note, you can't convince girls that we have our periods when we don't. We fucking know.
Q: I like a girl. On New Years she texted me saying that our New Year's Resolution should be to see each other more. And we text and talk a lot. She recently got out of a long relationship. Is she interested? Or just looking for a friend?
A: Interested indeed. And for her smooth-talking style, I award her five babe points and a golf clap. Bravo. She may be fresh out of the monogamy pen but it sounds like she's still got it– and she's setting a precedent for her newfound singledom in 2013. And from the sounds of it, she's had her eye on you for a while. So take it and run with it, breau. Don't totally cramp her style or make her feel like she's at risk of becoming immediately wifed up again, but do make your presence and interest known. Stand outside of that Apple store for weeks if you have to– this woman product is a hot new commodity, and you wanna get your hands on it first.
Q: I recently made the mistake of drunkenly hooking up with a girl that I would have no interest in sober. Happens to everybody once in a while but what came from it leads to me question. What is the courtesy you give to a girl if you make the fatal mistake of letting her spend the night? Do I wake her up when I wake her up? If it is a smokeshow do I leave it up to her?
A: Bombshell or bomb site, if you bring this chick back to your place, she pretty much has stomping rights to lounge for as long as she pleases after the fact. Certainly there are limits, and you can of course do things to make her uncomfortable; like behaving like an asshole– which it sort of sounds like you already are– but under no circumstances should you actively ask her to leave. Brunch plans, cousins in town, doctors appointment, funeral…whatever. She'll get the picture without having it fully spelled out. And I mean, is she really inflicting harm on anything besides your pride by snoozing for an extra hour? You made the (booty) call, so take the responsibility for it. Maybe even close your eyes and squeeze in some morning sex.
Your quasi-decent behavior will also serve to save face in the future when you inevitably try to take home one of her (hopefully) hotter friends.
Q: So I have this very big problem…every time I approach women and start conversation, it almost always goes well; I rarely trip over my words or get flustered, am always humorous and above all treat these women with respect and carry myself like a gentleman. BUT, once I get to the point of asking them out I get turned down on the grounds of “I look like a man-whore” which in turn makes me the opposite of what they claim I am since I'm getting turned away…I'm genuinely a sweetheart but what can I do or say to change this wrong perception of me?
A: There are a couple of possible answers here. One, you simply aren't as smooth as you claim to be. You're either coming off way too cheesy or way too cocky, and girls hate both of those traits. On the other hand you could just be jumping the gun too quickly– you lay down the foundation but get too impatient. You have to let the flirting marinate a little more before throwing it onto the proverbial grill.
In any case you clearly need a new method, because what you're twerkin' with ain't workin'. Try toning down what you're doing now on all accounts; more patience, less talking about yourself, less cheesiness, less close talking. Just less. Do less.
Q: Hangout or Date?
I'm interested in this chick but haven't spent a lot of time with her (outside of class). Would it be wiser to ask her to hangout (invite to party, help shopping, go to gym) or go straight for asking her out on a date? I'm worried asking to hang out might just land me in the friend zone and going straight for the date might be jumping to gun.
A: Helping shopping or going to the gym, as you suggest as options, will in fact land you smack dab in the no-cell service region of the friend zone. A less asexual hangout, like a party or group dinner would probably be more fruitful. But if you're trying to get the point across and be straightforward then just sack up from the get-go. Ask for her number, text her to see what her plans are and if she engages in your flext game then ask her to hang one-on-one. Nothing that you do could be more damaging then the friend zone, so put all of your chips on the table.
A safe middle ground is always seeing what her weekend plans are and conveniently going out to the same party or bar.
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[Nosebleed image via ShutterStock]