Chill 25-Year-Old D.C. Bro Writes An Epic Craigslist Ad — Er, Novel — For A New Roommate

by 2 years ago

I don’t know who this dude is, but I feel like some people deserve the power of BroBible when it comes to finding a chill af roommate situation. This guy deserves a chill roommate in his Columbia Heights/Petworth apartment. So if  you’re in the 202, hit him up.

He gets bonus points in my book for making fun of the stupid, overused “laid back young professional” line in a roommate ad. Because THAT PHRASE ALWAYS MEANS YOU’RE BORING, HATE FUN, AND GENERAL SUCK AT LIFE.

Cheers to crackin’ ‘Bohs at 10am. No judgement in my book.

What’s up, DC People?

My roommate went and moved in with his girlfriend, because apparently some things are more important than drinking at inappropriate hours and talking shit about the New England Patriots. As such, I need a new roommate.

Have you ever looked at your apartment and thought “Hot damn, this place does not have nearly enough windows?” Because this place has windows on windows. In fact, the only part of the apartment that’s not made of windows is your sweet-ass private motherfucking bathroom with a high pressure showerhead that’s gonna blast all the grime of the Swamp off you in seconds. Essentially you live in a glass house, but feel free to throw all the motherfucking stones you want, ’cause we’re up real high and nobody can throws that far. LOL, suckers.

Are you tired of the ever-present “laid back young professionals” who “like to have a good time” but then start going all fucking Revolutionary Guard on your ass for cracking your first Natty Boh at ten AM? ‘Cause that noise will neither happen, nor fly under this roof.

Have you ever not wanted to put up with busted down washing machines? Or skeevy neighbors stealing your shit from the dryer (Looking at you Nathan, give me back my shirt)? Or grubby landlords trying to squeeze an extra five dollars out of you for the privilege of using their Ford-Administration washing machines (Looking at you, all of Glover Park)? Because this joint’s got both IN THE UNIT, FOR FREE. You can wash things whenever the hell you want, because America.

TAGSCraigslistdc brosRoommateswashington d.c.