Ashley Madison is a website created to get married men laid. Laid by someone other than their wives. But here’s a little secret — just as many women use the website as men.
From Business Insider: “Among users under 35, women and men are now split 50-50. The site is seeing growth from female members in part because of AM’s new mobile app, which over-indexes with female users.”
Yesterday, Vice printed a story about a male user of Ashley Madison. Today, it’s a woman’s turn to tell her story. Here’s Anonymous’s backstory:
I’m a college-educated woman in my early 30s from a solid family (no daddy issues here). I’m also single. I get the occasional bout of loneliness, but I’m not lonely enough to get myself tied up with an actual boyfriend. I’ve got a career to build, and don’t have time to spend on someone else’s needs/wants/feelings right now. Ashley Madison was an opportunity for me to meet people outside my immediate social circles, experience the best of the city (fine dining and drinks on someone else’s dime), and best of all, I didn’t have to put forth any commitment. These men already had rings on their fingers.
If you’re like me and thinking of taking the plunge into Ashley Madison, I would advise wading into this cesspool very carefully.
Both writers said the same — the Ashley Madison website is filled mostly scammers, bullshitters and sugar babies and their daddies, but occasionally they’ll stumble upon a legit sexual partner. Anonymous female shared some of the other lessons she learned from her time on the website.
There are more benefits to being the “other woman.” First, because these men are already married, there are no domestic or familial expectations. They’re already weighed down with that and they just want to have fun with you. Second, there is no encroachment on your independence and the life that you’ve already carved out for yourself. Freedom—while also having a companion at your beck and call. Third, you’ll only get the best side of him and the best treatment. He doesn’t have time to be anything less than a Prince Charming knockoff.
Plus, the possibility of feeling suffocated and bored, like you might in a “regular” relationship, is very slim since there’s only so much that he can give. Personally, I consider that a win.
Anonymous explains that Ashley Madison is no different than the typical dating website — it’s filled with liars.
If their profiles aren’t full of blatant lies, then they’re full of clichés. This is a site where lies fester. Everyone on it is already lying to their spouses, so at some point, you’re bound to be be lied to also. Case in point: the photos. Men like to post photos of themselves from five years ago… which, fine, isn’t so bad. That happens on traditional dating sites as well. But I once had a guy message me who was trying to pass off a black-and-white photo of a young Mikhail Baryshnikov as his own. Unfortunately for him, I recognized the picture and called him out on it. He sheepishly admitted that, no, it wasn’t his photo but that friends had told him that he “resembled him.” I highly doubt that.
Often, their initial messages are cut-and-paste introductions, which are usually full of both lies and clichés. I once received the following message: “Weapons of Mass Pleasure… Hi! I am tall (6’1″), well endowed, and very fit bodied (175lbs). Lots of stamina and control in bed. Intelligent, charming, and well educated. I possess the gift of gab, but also know when to keep my mouth shut. Successful professional. Seek a sexually intense, passionate, fun, and friendly relationship. I live a healthy lifestyle and seek a woman who does the same. I am dominant in the bedroom. Say hello if you have an interest.”
Eventually some dudes on Ashley Madison get really weird, even those she didn’t meet in real life, but overall she’s been happy with the experience and she doesn’t really care about the possible repercussions down the line.
If I believed in karma I’d wager to say that I would most likely pay for all of this in some way down the line. The hard truth is that I probably won’t.
To read her entire story, click here.