Everyone just stop talking to the Uber driver when you’re drunk. It never leads to good results.
This guy got blackout drunk and bragged about his golf game to his Uber driver and ended up breaking an old man’s heart.
So of course this didn’t happen today, but last Friday. I decided that I wanted to have a couple drinks and have a good time on Friday, but I do not know what moderation is. After drowning my body with almost a liter of overpriced gin I was ready to go downtown. Drinking that much alcohol in a short amount of time really fucked with me (go figure) and I only lasted about an hour at the bars. Que the uber ride home.
At this point I was blacked out so I have no recollection of the roughly 10 minute ride home. According to my girlfriend, I had struck up a conversation with this man about how I was a world class golf coach and play a couple of Pro-Am tournaments every month.Now spoiler alert, I know absolutely nothing about golf. Not shit. So my uber driver, let’s call him Jim, is buying the whole thing. He asks if I could knock a few strokes off of his game and get him in touch with the president of the local country club. I tell Jim of course and I can also get him this guy’s number because I play a few rounds with him every weekend. I let him now I’d help him out in any way possible to get his golf game back on track. I realize now that that may have been a giant mistake.
Spoiler — it was.
I wake up the next morning still slightly drunk and my girlfriend asks if I remember talking to the uber driver last night. I say no and think nothing of it. She gives me the rundown and I just laugh it off. About four hours later I’m at work and one of my coworkers was like hey, someone wants to talk to you. I finish with a customer and go see what this guy wants. It struck me as a bit odd when he addresses me by name but eh, whatever. He asks if I got him some guys phone number and I had to explain to him that I had no idea who he, or the guy who’s phone number he wants is. And this is when he tells me that he is Jim, my uber driver. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I have to crush this nice old man’s dreams now and tell him I know absolutely nothing about golf. I try my best to tell him that I cannot help him in any way and try to explain that I was bullshitting the whole conversation. Jim doesn’t take too well to this and just walks off while mumbling under his breath “I guess that’s just how the world works sometimes.” Way to make me feel bad, Jim.
Yeah, put it on him. Way to not cop to being a dick. Dick.