Oh, Eff These People Who Took a Post-Divorce Selfie

Keith Hinson and Michelle Knight got divorced, and now they need to get fucked, like right away.

I don’t mean that in the “ho, ho, ho, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” No, not at all. I mean that in like the, ‘Fuck these two, so fucking hard.’

Why, why am I so vitriolically upset with two strangers I’ve never met? Well, aside from the part where that’s just how you interact with the world in 2014, it’s because the couple celebrated, literally celebrated, their divorce with a selfie.

Outside the court. Holding their papers.

The caption reads, “We are officially un-married. Here’s to the most friendly, respectful, and loving split imaginable. We smile not because it’s over, but because it happened.”

You aren’t un-married, you are fucking divorced and you will wear that badge of shame forever. You don’t get to invent your own adorable nomenclature just because you think you are whimsically different than the rest of the world.

Hooray that your marriage didn’t work out and you can laugh about it. That’s great. I’m happy for you, even though it may not seem like it.

What I’m upset about is, whether you like it or not, the inherent nature of a selfie is ‘look at this thing I’m doing that you aren’t.’ In this case, the thing you are doing is ‘look at the successful happy divorce I’m having that you are not.’

Which kinda shits on 1. People who have non-amicable divorces, which happens way more frequently than your delightfully fortuitous ‘Oops, we got married’ tale and 2. Kids who’ve gone through that shitty experience (of which, I’m one).

You should be happy that your life worked out. You should not be happy enough to share with the world. You didn’t just beat cancer. You aren’t an inspiration to other–oh wait. That’s exactly what they think they are.

“And we also wanted to let people know that this didn’t have to be a negative experience. We are choosing to move forward with love. We’ve been separated a year, and throughout that time, we’ve both been committed to preserving our friendship.”

Oh. Until today, I didn’t know divorce could be what you make of it. I didn’t know you could ditch the myriad experiences which create potentially toxic or non-toxic post-relationship environments simply by willing them away. Let’s listen to the Happy song and we’ll all be happy.

I’m certain the two have exes they don’t like. Or at least know people who do. What would you say to them? ‘Pucker up, buddy. There’s always a front-facing camera just a smile away.’

No. You got lucky. You don’t brag about getting lucky to the rest of the world when so, so many people don’t.

And in case you are wondering, they are sharing the dog.

[Friends and family] first balked at our dog custody arrangement, which requires us to see each other each weekend with the dog!

Suh cute.

[H/T Elite Daily]