Five Things Snowboarders Do That Everyone Should Do
Snowboarders are a special kind of person. While most think of them as guys and women who say “Bruh” and speak a language that’s barely English, actually, those people are right. Snowboarders do speak a language that’s different and there are plenty of them dumb as political debates. But, like anything in the world, there are still lessons to be learned by these “Hyphy” board junkies. Snowboarders can teach us a lot about life, as long as we look really really hard. Probably too hard.
Random Costumes- Why do they dress up as a banana and throw themselves down a mountain? Who the fuck cares. I bet you if you dressed as a banana and showed up to your boring office job you’d get an ear full about corporate dress policy from HR, but, high fives from every single non-drone in the place. Companies always talk about standing out from the crowd, and a random costume is a wonderful way to do that. Why is showing up in a wolf onesie considered “in bad taste” when a suit is just a costume that a bunch of business people agreed upon. Dress up as pizza, there is always room for pizza.
Tackling Friends- Slamming someone into a snow bank then covering them in powder hurts tackler and tacklee, it’s also absolutely hilarious. I’ve seen snowboarders drop some insanely random body slams on friends. It’s the WWE if the WWE wasn’t fake and only for hillbillies or bulllshit 90’s nostalgia. Nothing will give you a blast of adrenaline to help you get you through your day than a friend whose been hiding outside your house slamming you into a snow drift as soon as you’re off your porch. Film these as often as possible, slow mo video is a must.
Drunk in Nature- If a snowboarder brings a backpack, that’s usually filled with booze. Getting drunk then doing a controlled fall down a double black diamond trail is a great way to break your neck, or be totally in touch with nature. Getting drunk puts everyone in a great and friendly mood, especially if you’re doing it while enjoying a hobby together. Being hammered in nature just means you’re going to end up making a best friend for the weekend you’re on that mountain. Why do snowboarding and drinking go together? Because people who are probably going to die or get crippled young gotta live while they can.
Eating It- There are those that preach that if you fall down, you get back up again. Then, there are those who live it. Snowboarders eat dick tons of times in a day. Ssnowboarders understands what getting back up means. Crashes with novice boarders or skiers, face planting in parks or catching an edge in a glade, nothing can stop these maniacs. While most people have a problem getting up and out of bed, snowboarders get up after serious concussions.
Don’t Bitch About Snow- Whenever some snow hits people take to social media to complain about how awful everything is now that there is snow. Guess what? If rain was a one night stand, snow would be the one night stand that sticks around for a bit longer. Sure, you start to notice it’s a little dirty after a while, but it’s not as terrible as everyone makes it out to be. Snow should be a wonderful thing, you can ride on it, sculpt it into dicks or roll it in balls and hit children.
So we’ve analyzed the shit out of these people. They’re actually a pretty good time. Yes, there is plenty we can learn from snowboarders. The real question is “should we learn from snowboarders”?