If Your Name Is Gary, Or You Know A Gary, This Is Some Incredibly Upsetting News

Sad news for you, Gary. You’re probably the last of a long line of men named Gary. The name is going extinct.

It’s been plummeting in popularity since the early 1950s – where America saw nearly 39,000 baby Garys (Gari?).This is compared to 2013 with only 442, the lowest since 1928, according to ourbabynamer.com. The name is now ranked number 578 in America.

The last reported US baby girls named Gary was in 1997.

Who the fuck named their daughter Gary? Assholes, that’s who. I probably totally jinxed it and next year Gary will be the hottest baby names for girls on the planet. Especially if it’s the same name as a broad in a YA novel. There will be school classes full of Katnisses and Garys by 2020.

So to celebrate the pending extinction of Gary, here’s a quick ranking of the ten greatest Gary’s of all time.

The 10 Greatest Gary’s Of All Time

1. Gary Busey
2. Gary The Snail
3. Gary Coleman
4. Gary Payton
5. Gary Sinise
6. Gary Cole
7. Gary U.S. Bonds
8. Gary Player
9. Gary Carter
10. Gary Larson

Did your favorite Gary make the list? No? Well too fucking bad.


Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.