Now You Can Let the Government Handle Informing Your Partners You Have an STD

Hey, Jennifer… Yea, it's David… Yea. It has been a while. Look, I'm calling because, well, I don't know how it happened, or why, and look, you're probably fine and I'm making a bigger deal about this than necessary, but you should get yourself tested… Tested for what? Errr, ummm, the bad one. The really, really bad one… Look, I gotta go. 

Fuck and/or no to that shit. Thankfully, Spokane County in Washington will have its social workers handle that awkward call for you. It's being done in response to a gonorrhea outbreak that's plauging the town. If you test positive for an STI, you call a hotline and give them the contact information for each and every person you've slept with. They handle the call. BOOM.

“So I'll ask, 'Is this Jessica?' ” [Ann] Halloran [who works for Spokane Regional Health District] says. “And then I would ask your birthday, and if that matches what I have, I would say, 'I'm calling from the Spokane Regional Health District. And I'm calling to let you know that you may have been exposed to gonorrhea.'

There it is. No tears, no awkward requests to help cover the copay for antibiotics. And fuck yea, it's anonymous. 

“A lot of people are really anxious to know who it was [who gave them the infection]. Of course, I can't say anything whatsoever that would identify that.”

This wouldn't work if you were in a long-term, committed relationship and cheated, but for every other circumstance, this is perfect. The only question is why hasn't it been implemented all over the United States? This should be part of Obamacare. It is literally the greatest invention since sliced bread.  

[Via NPR, STD image via Shutterstock]