If You Live On The East Coast, Be Prepared To Die Of Heat Stroke This Weekend

Do you like being alive, dudes?

Well then, I suggest this weekend you grab yourself a camping chair, find the largest walk-in freezer you can, and plant yourself in it until Monday.

Sure, you may suffocate, but the other option is the Sun killing you to death.

You may have noticed in the past few days that it has been hot, but that’s got nothing on how hot it’s going to be this weekend.

For this weekend, it’s going to be hotter than a habanero pepper that’s been stuffed full of molten lava then deep fried in the interior of a volcano.

Picante. From Accuweather:

A heat wave will extend across much of the eastern United States over the next several days. For some southern areas, temperatures will approach or exceed 100 F.

For many areas, “this will be the hottest weather so far this year,” according to AccuWeather Meteorologist Brett Rathbun.

The combination of temperature, humidity, sunshine and other factors will push AccuWeather RealFeel® Temperatures several degrees higher than the actual temperature.

Live anywhere along the Eastern seaboard? Oh, you fucked.

Boston, Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. each hit their highest temperatures so far this year on Wednesday reaching 94, 95 and 94, respectively.

In the Southern states, while hot and humid weather is typical during June, July, August and early September, temperatures will average 5-10 degrees above normal in many locations through this weekend.

Other southern cities that could hit 100 or higher include Augusta and Macon, Georgia; Wilmington and Fayetteville, North Carolina; Charleston, South Carolina; and Montgomery, Alabama.

Good luck making it to Monday. Just look at this fucking map.

It’s like if instead of living on Earth, we built homes on the face of the fucking Sun.

Worst of all, though, is this Accuweather warning.

[Be] sure to drink plenty of non-alcoholic fluids.

Hahaahah I’d rather die.

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