How To Make Weed Brownies And Not Accidentally Get High For 24hrs Like I Did
How to make weed brownies is a skill every bro should know, and it’s important that every bro not only know how to make weed brownies, but also how to make pot brownies that taste incredible and aren’t so potent they could incapacitate an entire village.
We’re living in a Renaissance Era for weed, and as marijuana prohibition is on the outs, the prevalence of weed is rising each and every day. Weed has been legalized for recreational use in Colorado, Oregon, Washington, and Alaska. In addition to those four states, there are 23 states where weed is legalized for medical purposes. Weed is the new norm. In fact, it’s the fastest growing industry in the United States right now. But what does that mean exactly?
Well, it means that generations of weed loving entrepreneurs are finally able to put their creative spirit toward the industry they love the most. From the processing to tourism, from vaporization technology to pushing the frontier of edibles with fine dining restaurants, it’s all changing.
But as my colleague Bucky from Animal New York just remarked to me when I told him I was going to write up this weed brownies recipe for you guys: “Weed edibles have the ability to completely derail the legalization movement in America.”
My only experience with professionally produced edibles was in Colorado (pics below), and they were very specific about the THC content within each edible. Furthermore, they were very friendly in helping me choose the right edibles to fit my tolerance level…that is until I asked if they had a specific type and then they were willing to sell it to me even though it was about 20x too potent for me.
This issue was thrust into the national legalization debate a few months ago when Maureen Dowd of the New York Times ate edibles that were far too strong for her, and had an awful time. As a follow up the aforementioned Bucky and ANIMAL New York team ate the same edibles and blogged about it, so feel free to read both and compare/contrast.
I grew up with asthma, and though doctors have cleared me of it as an adult I try to smoke as little as possible. Ever since quitting cigarettes cold turkey back in 2007, I try my hardest to keep any and all smoke out of my lungs. Therefore with weed I tend to gravitate towards the edibles. From brownies to gummies, to everything in between. On top of that, I love the freedom that making my own brownies affords me in terms of flavors and THC content. But sometimes I’m offered edibles and just dive into the deep end without knowing the potency, and I’m here to tell you just how fucking stupid that can be.
During Sunday’s Super Bowl XLIX I was offered a brownie by my wife’s colleague’s friend. He provided me with two tiny bits of information before I found myself with a mouth full of chocolate, eating half immediately. First, he said that he uses a THC-infused Coconut Oil in order to make his brownies, as he claimed that for whatever reason coconut oil allows the maximum levels of THC to be absorbed into the body. Second, he told us that they were ‘strong’. Which HOLY FUCKING SHIT, if you’re going to make pot brownies so strong they can incapacitate adults for a 24-hour period, you need to use a better adjective than ‘strong’….But I digress.
By now I bet you’re wondering ‘Cass, I thought you said this article was giong to be about how to make weed brownies?! Get to the point!’ And I WILL get to the recipe of how to make the world’s greatest weed brownies, it’s at the end of this post (so you can scroll there now if you’re bored). But I had to make the point that when brownies are too strong your life can be absolutely miserable.
I ate the THC-infused coconut oil brownie before the Big Game, and by half time I was so high I’d stopped talking. Before the brownie came on like an absolute tidal wave, we’d been doing a beer tasting at the party. The tasting basically equated to a power hour of nice IPAs and other strong beers, everyone at the party brings her/his own beer, and everyone tasting then rates the beers. So by the time this atomic brownie kicks in I’m so full I can’t eat or drink, so munchies and water are out of the question, and I’m so high I can’t talk or move around. On top of all that I’m surrounded mostly by my wife’s co-workers, so I have to at least keep up some semblance of having my shit together, which at the time was about the most difficult task anyone’s ever attempted.
By the start of the 4th quarter I told her we had to leave…did I mention I wasn’t the only one who ate the brownies? She had about half the amount I did, and a few other people at the party ate them as well. I’d say I ingested roughly 50% of one brownie, she took down about 20%, and some friends took down about 33.33% of another…there were A LOT of brownies. Well, as it turns out the guy who only ate 1/3rd of brownie is a habitual stoner. The kind of guy who smokes nearly every day, and has a very strong tolerance. Meanwhile I’d eaten 80% more than him and was slipping into a THC-edible-induced coma of discomfort.
After getting home and surrounding myself in familiarity, I then attempted to fall asleep for like 5 hours, finally passing out at some point, only to wake up Monday morning still baked out of my mind.
I considered trying to tell the BroBible team that I was sick, and wasn’t going to be able to make it in, but told myself to stop being a little bitch and it’d pass eventually. So I made myself look normal, headed into the office, and then proceeded to try and blog high all day yesterday. Now I don’t know how many of you read my articles from yesterday, but in hindsight they were straight up dog shit, and looked like they were written by an 8th grader.
So to make amends from yesterday I thought I’d tell you that little story above, and now give you a recipe below from some brownies I made back in late December that were not only the most delicious brownies (weed or not) I’ve ever tasted, but they weren’t strong enough to sedate an adult rhinoceros.
Like any guy who spends too much time on the Internet, before baking our marijuana treats I’d Googled ‘How to make weed brownies’, ‘best weed brownies’, ‘best pot brownies’, ‘world’s best weed brownies’, and every other variation you can think of.
One of the first things you’ll discover when searching those terms are there are a lot of different methods on how to make weed brownies. The two most prevalent methods are to make your own weed butter, and the other is to cook the weed straight into the brownies.
The butter method is often favored by people who take their edibles seriously, and there’s even a cottage industry making the equivalent of ‘Easy Bake Ovens’ for weed butter (I’ve actually reached out to the Magical Butter to see if I can test one but they haven’t gotten back to me).
And the thing about cooking the weed directly into the brownies is that you have to make sure you get the buds/flowers up to the correct temperature for the correct amount of time in order to change the chemical composition of the THC, and activate it so that it takes on psychoactive properties when ingested. Because merely eating weed will do next to nothing, it requires that temperature catalyst to change the chemical makeup of the THC.
It’s also important to note that there is a lot of debate over the type of weed to be used. Some say you can use the cheapest of the cheap, and it won’t matter. Others think that it’s best to use a quality strain in order to bake the perfect weed brownie. Me? I think using between an eighth and a quarter, of medium to strong buds is enough for a full tray of brownies. And then eating half a brownie is plenty, but I like to start by eating a quarter, then eating another quarter later on to create a latent onset.
So without further ado, here’s a recipe of how to make weed brownies (adapted from from the424times):
A nonstick baking pan;
A stick of butter, melted;
One level cup of brown sugar;
1/2 cup of all-purpose flour;
One level cup of powdered cocoa mix;
Three large eggs;
One cup white granulated sugar;
One tablespoon vanilla extract;
1/2 to 3/4 cup, finely ground, delicious marijuana buds;
For the cocoa mix we used straight up ‘cocoa mix’ like you’d use to make hot chocolate. We sprung for the Ghirardelli version, because they make superior chocolate and there’s NO REASON to skimp on the ingredients. And in addition to the ingredients called for in the420times recipe, We also added toffee chips to the mixture. See below for what it looks like together:
Preheat the oven to 355 degrees Fahrenheit;
Beat the three eggs until they’re aerated;
Add in all the other ingredients and stir until mixed well;
Add your weed brownie batter to your baking pan and place it in the oven;
Bake for 40 minutes and then check with a toothpick in the center to ensure doneness;
You may need to allow up to another 10 minutes of baking depending on your oven;
When the toothpick that is inserted to the center of the brownies comes out clean the batter has successfully baked through and can be removed from the oven;
Allow the finished product to cool before serving;
Cut cooled brownies into friendly, sharing sizes and make someone’s day a little brighter; (just be sure to warn the recipient that it’s a medicated edible, it’s only fair to share responsibly)
And joila! Carve up your brownies and marvel in your finished product:
Weed brownies that look AND taste so delicious you want to have sex with them…and not so potent that they’ll sedate the entire city of Denver, Colorado.