Unhinged Theory Claims Katy Perry’s An Impostor, And Is Actually JonBenet Ramsey

You know that YouTube user, mass-conspirator Dave Johnson is on to something special and well-founded in regards to his theory when he kicks off his (anything but) convincing video with a fucking Wikipedia page open as his first bit of evidence. Bro go to school. Like, half those pages might as well be composed by crushed up crazy pills-snortin’, crack pipe sucking zombified flesh bags with 17 brains cells that went and ‘academically polished and edited’ the previous entry.

Anyways, Dave Johnson’s theory that rests on the claim that Katy Perry’s a living breathing hoax who’s actually the presumed dead JonBenet Ramsey. The biggest chunk of his whacked out claim is backed by the semi-uncanny resemblance between Perry and Ramsey, and their respective (differing) sets of parents. Johnson goes ahead and takes the liberty of superimposing photos of the two sets of parents over one another to try and create some sort of galvanizing ‘eureka!’ moment for the audience.

But in reality, I’m just over here like, okay it looks like the warden gave Shutter Island’s residents internet access for a while.

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As a closing note, the mystery surrounding JonBenet Ramsey is a mystery to this day; and her family, once suspected as culprits amidst the investigation were cleared in 2008.