This is the latest installment of Would You Rather with Legend and scross. Sound off with your answers to this question in the comments. Let’s go!
Daddy! I’m home!
Gonna stand by with my parents here, even if it is for the rest of my life. What kind of sick sociopath could go the rest of their life without seeing their parents? Now, trust me, I’ve gone extended periods of time without talking to my parents and not given a rat’s ass, but eventually something biological kicks in and you want to see them and talk to them.
Also, I’m assuming rent and groceries are on the house. Why wouldn’t they be? That’s how it was when I was younger. Boom! Sixty percent of my life’s worries — paying rent and feeding my flesh vehicle — out the window.
Now, there is definitely a stigma attached to “living at home.” But when your parents get into their twilight years and you become the able-bodied son working around the house and taking care of everything, the tables have turned. You’re no longer the loser who hasn’t moved out. You’re the beautiful man who has sacrificed his independence to ensure the quality of life for his guardians. Home run. Chicks would love it.
I feel like a horrible person saying it, but any sane human being would have to choose to never see them again. Otherwise, realistically, you’re just moping around your hometown, running into old friends’ parents at the grocery store, former teachers at the bar, answering the same questions and having the same small talk, all the while fantasizing about going on a mass killing spree which ends in a lethal self-inflicted gunshot to the dome. Too much?
Honestly though, next thing you know you’re 40 years old and you’re officially a nobody. You’ve married the best-looking girl who stuck around town (a 6 at best) and you probably have at least 4 kids. They’re all girls, they hate you, and are slowly turning into raging teenage whores. Your wife fucks everyone in town but you and everybody knows it. A truly pitiful existence.
I’ll choose the never see them again option but here’s the catch. I’d Skype them every fucking day. Loophole baby! I’d pretend I’m constantly traveling for some made-up job and they’d think I was the greatest son of all time, finding the time for them in my hectic schedule to chat for an hour on the daily. Parents would definitely prefer that over seeing you once a year at some awkward, forced holiday and not hearing shit from you otherwise. Especially when I’m supplying water to an African tribe one day, building a playground in Afghanistan the next, and teaching English to Mongolian orphans the day after that. All the while finding time to webcam my overwhelming proud parents. Son of the year. No, the century.