Just because some people have a lot of money does by all means not mean that they are intelligent beings that outsmarted everyone to obtain such riches. Take this dunderhead for example, he spent over $700,000 in trinkets and spiritual ceremonies to make an ex-girlfriend love him once again.
The unnamed 32-year-old resident of East Williamsburg (I’d sure as fuck would remain anonymous too if I was this shitheadedly ignorant) sought after the assistance of 26-year-old Midtown psychic Priscilla Kelly Delmaro in August 2013. He wanted the fortuneteller to reunite him with a girl named “Michelle” that he had recently met in Arizona. One problem, Michelle knew that this gentleman was crazier than a snake with an itchy armpit. “The girl didn’t want to be with me, and the girl had categorically made that clear,” the man wrote in a statement to police.
Despite the girl wanting absolutely nothing to do with the wackjob, the psychic made it perfectly clear that she could woo the young lady into loving him. But at a cost. To talk to the spirits beyond and perform such a miracle she requested a large sum of money. PLUS, she instructed him to buy a $40,064 ring from Tiffany’s that would “protect his energy.” Dead spirits are some boushie motherfuckers.
Delmarco told the man that her magic was not working because there was a spirit stalking him. Duh! To dispel those nasty ghosts she would need $28,000. However when the first magical potion or whatever the fuck she pretended to do did not work, so she requested a second payment of $28,000. The desperate man happily paid up.
Shockingly, neither of those two sure-fire remedies did the trick. So a month later Ms. Delmaro suggested they perform a fake funeral ritual to make the spirit think the man was dead. At the low, low cost of $40,000. He paid.
You may want to sit down to hear this.
Sitting?
Okay good.
The fake funeral didn’t work. Yeah I know, my mind is blown away too!
However Ms. Delmarco is a dedicated soul. She had another resolution to get rid of these pesky spirits… Go back in time!
Fire up the DeLorean!
At this point, the sad man was getting a little skeptical, but she assured him this was the one thing that would work… But she would need a wrist watch. Preferably of finer quality to really do the trick. So the man begrudgingly purchased a rose gold Rolex worth $30,000 and gave it to the miracle worker.
However there was a problem, the spirit had escaped to another part of the other dimensional world.
DRATS!
However Delmarco had a quick fix; An 80-MILE BRIDGE MADE OF GOLD!!!
Of fucking course! Why didn’t I think of that!
Apparently an 80-mile bridge made of gold costs $80,000, which to be very honest, seems like a steal.
He bought the 80-mile bridge of gold.
Is this tax-deductible?
The 80-mile golden bridge mysteriously did not work, not because it is completely preposterous, but because they needed a 90-mile-long bridge! That set him back another $90,000.
This is when the man found out that the girl who he paid an obscene amount of money to reunite with had actually died in 2014. You’d think a psychic would know that shit.
Umm, what’s the return policy here?
However true love conquers all or some shit like that right? The fortuneteller told the man that she could reincarnate the beloved Michelle in the body of another woman who head had met in California. Now it’s just starting to sound like a bad Stephen King book.
Of course this dude paid the psychic to reincarnate a dead woman into a living woman who is 3,000-miles away. But by this point the man had exhausted his bank account. So he sold his car, went into debt and was kicked out of his apartment. However the now destitute man realizes that his fortuneteller may have not been entirely truthful with him and really pulling the wool over his eyes.
He contacted authorities and they arrested Delmaro and her companion, Bobby Evans on May 27th at a steakhouse. They have both been charged with grand larceny.
Over 20 months, this man paid this fortuneteller $713,975 to attempt to reunite him with a girl that didn’t ever want to be with him. Does this dude realize how many 5-star prostitutes he could have gotten?
The moral of the story is that money doesn’t buy love or intelligence.
[NYT]