Manscaping: Is it Necessary? As Told By a Girl

by 2 years ago
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Articles such as these are difficult to write. Not difficult in the same way writing about war or famine is difficult, but still, it makes me semi-uncomfortable. I don’t really enjoy telling people what to do with their bodies, ya know? I mean I will go as far as to say that girls with chipped nail polish are everything that’s wrong in the world, but other than that, my lips are sealed. Tattoo your face, pierce your dick-hole, dye your underarm hair rainbow…. Whatever gets your rocks off I don’t care!

With that being said, it doesn’t mean I can’t comment every once in awhile based on personal observation coupled with the chatterings of some fellow vag. I’m not telling you what to do with your pubic hair, I’m just telling you what I THINK you should do with your pubic hair. Yes, the word THINK makes all the difference. It’s what separates me from the lunatics who blow up Planned Parenthoods.

I’ll give my usual disclaimer in that I cannot possibly encompass the opinions of women everywhere regarding the hair on your pubis. I’m just going to write from the heart guys, I hope you appreciate that.

Additionally, if you do decide to shave in any capacity, have the decency not to use your sister’s razor. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I’ve gone to shave my legs and was met with a clump of nappy-ball-hairs. It’s not okay; it’ll never be okay. You hear that Mike and Joe? If you’re reading this…. It really is too late, and you’ve traumatized me.

There are really only 3 categories here to which I will label as accurately as I can below:

 

Full Bush:

giphy

I’m starting with this one because it’s the lesser of two evils, but still fairly alarming. I mean, I guess it depends how long you go without Manscaping. If you can go awhile and still manage to locate your dick beneath the shrubbery then all the more power to you, but if you grow fast like a garden weed then it may just be a little overwhelming to your partner.

 

Prepubescent:

giphy (1)

This is creepy. Being completely and utterly bald is a hard-limit for me (obviously this doesn’t count if you have a medical condition and it’s not your fault), and I’d venture to say a lot of women would feel the same way. I want to feel like I’m with a man, point blank. If I weren’t bothered by your complete and total lack of pubic hair, that should raise an eyebrow, like a Law and Order: SVU eyebrow. Was that pushing it a bit? Pedophilia is not funny. I apologize. I’m just saying, you have hair there for a reason and to eliminate all of it just seems a bit drastic. By the way, I do understand the double standard with men and women, and I hold the same belief system with the ladies. There’s no need to be completely bald. You wanna get rid of those pesky bikini-line hairs? Ass-hairs if you have em’? A-Okay with me, but leave a little something, maybe shape it like a lightening bolt if you’re so inclined!

 

Neat and Tidy:

giphy-1

Life is lived in the middle, right? The same applies to your pubic hair. It doesn’t need to be one thing or another, but rather a happy medium between the two. Let’s call it, mild grooming, or mild trimming, if you will. Remember as a kid your mom really only cared if your room was messy when guests were coming over? You can even go ahead and take that approach. By all means, rock a bush until it’s time to whip it out. But when that whippin’ comes, have the decency not to scare the shit out of whatever lucky lady is going to be tending to your carnal needs. Bonus points for neat and tidy: keeping some pubic hair is actually proven to lessen your chances of being exposed to bacteria in the genital region (I’m so very glad I could share that with all of you).

Well, that about sums it up. This article definitely followed the motif of the Three Little Bears except for hot, cold, and just right…. It was bushy, bare, and just right!


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TAGSManscapingpersonal hygiene

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