Deep down, most of us all total grossouts. We love popping pimples, smelling our asshole’s finest farts and if something odd is on or in our body, we will pick at it until some level of disgusting satisfaction is achieved. Intrigue and hope is what fuels us. Maybe this is the pimple that will shoot 45ft across the room. I wonder what will happen if I squeeze this ingrown hair really hard? GODDAMMIT I NEED TO KNOW!
Reddit recently asked the question, “What’s the grossest thing your body has done?” Its users answered. So…ya know…bring on the gross!
I got a splinter in my foot from my grandma’s deck. For a few hours, I had been working my way at getting most of it out. Finally, I thought I had fished the whole thing out. Months later, I’m sitting on my couch and the splinter wound was bugging me so I tried popping it like a zit. The remaining inch long piece of wood shot out of my foot 3 feet into the air with a trail of pus and some clear liquid. It was disgusting. However, it felt incredible and to this day I’m still chasing that feeling
That’s legitimately how I feel every time I get an ingrown hair on my face from shaving. Sucks that it happened, but if it is going to happen, there better be fireworks. I want 24 bunched together hairs to shoot out of that one follicle. And I want to examine them for minutes before I wash them down the drain.
“You know how you get an itch in your eye and after looking in the mirror, you can see it’s an eyelash? That happened to me … I leaned over the sink, saw the eyelash, and stuck my finger in my eye to draw it out. I got a hold on it, started pulling … and pulling … and pulling … That’s right, it was my hair, from my head, that had found its way behind my eyeball. It was probably close to 8 inches long after I pulled it all out. The worst part was I could feel it unraveling behind my eye.”
I’d pass right out. Can’t deal with anything near my eyes. If I had to wear contacts I’d be fucked.
“Too drunk on wine so I decided to pass out in my car instead of drive drunk. End up having to puke in the car. Pooped my pants as I puke red wine in my car. I’m a real class act!”
Indeed you are.
“On our honeymoon, my wife and I went snorkeling in Cozumel, Mexico. That evening on the cruise ship she noticed I had something brown running down the side of my face. It was ear wax and it was running down both sides of my face out of my ears. I went to the bathroom and ran about 20 q-tips through my ear canals and came out with the thickest, darkest ear wax. It was super satisfying and my ears felt so clean afterwards. For a few weeks after the honeymoon I would have random balls of wax drop out of my ear canals if I leaned from one side or the other, only on occasion.”
Holy shit, THAT’S LIVIN’. Cannot even imagine the amount of satisfaction that had to bring. I always say, you know someone is a psychopath if they don’t take a long, hard look at a Q-tip after they clean their ears.
“I cried blood once. My nose had been bleeding for well over three hours (both nostriles, no signs of slowing down, coughing up gelatinous blood clots, blood all over my tiny 8 year old body and face). We were in the emergency room waiting, and I had to pee. I had been crying for about two hours at that point as well, so I was just a hot mess. I stumble over to the bathroom and suddenly I notice my vision was blurry. I turned around and there was blood streaming out of both of my eyes. Straight down the middle of my cheeks like some sort of anti-christ sh*t. I walked out of the bathroom and the nurse looked like she was about to pass out. We were no longer waiting after that.”
Here’s a thought: try picking your nose with slightly less gusto, you savage.
“Speaking of belly buttons … I once found a living moth living in mine. I was twirling my finger around in there (as you do) and noticed gray matter on my finger. I thought it was lint, but after further investigation, found out it was a moth. It flew away after I pulled it out of there. I try to keep my belly button clean now.”
Showering once a week could prevent that. Just once.
When I was a senior in high school I shaved my chest for spring break. A few weeks later I developed a small bump on my chest. Didn’t think much of it.
About 10 years later I’m sitting around with my shirt off and the little bump looks like it is infected. I grab a needle and lacerate the bump. Then all sorts of puss starts endlessly pouring out. It probably took a good 5mins for all the crap to get out.
I start my disinfecting routine and notice a hair slightly sticking out of the wound so I grab some tweezers and start to pull. And pull. And pull. I pulled out an ingrown hair that must have been 8 inches long that has been imbedded for a decade.
TLDR – had an ingrown hair for 10 years which grew to about 8in.
Had kidney reconstruction. Morning after the surgery I was bloated and sore. Drug myself into the bathroom and proceeded to take a piss. Imagine my horror when my dick farted out several large blood clots along with some gas that was trapped in the kidney after surgery. To reiterate, I took a bloody shart out of my dick. I literally dicksharted
He. Shit. Out. Of. His. Dick.