New Photos From The Curiosity Rover Prove Mars Once Had Lakes, Was Wetter Than Your Mom When She Thinks About Me


Because your mom is sexually attracted to me, and thus, when I enter her mind, the glands inside her vaginal canal secrete a fluid that makes it physically easier for my penis to slide into her.

News photos from the Mars Curiosity rover confirm that the red planet was once a wet Eden, covered in lakes and rivers. It has, of course, long been speculated that billions of years ago Mars was as Earth-like as Earth, and hospitable to life, and this is more in what is becoming insurmountable evidence.

The rover analyzed sediment from the Gale Crater, where it’s been motoring about, and found that the layers of buildup could only have come from a lake.

“Observations from the rover suggest that a series of long-lived streams and lakes existed at some point between about 3.8 to 3.3 billion years ago, delivering sediment that slowly built up the lower layers of Mount Sharp,” said Ashwin Vasavada, Mars Science Laboratory project scientist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

It was long-speculated the crater could have been a repository for water (that’s science for lake).

“During the traverse of Gale, we have noticed patterns in the geology where we saw evidence of ancient fast-moving streams with coarser gravel, as well as places where streams appear to have emptied out into bodies of standing water,” Vasavada said. “The prediction was that we should start seeing water-deposited, fine-grained rocks closer to Mount Sharp. Now that we’ve arrived, we’re seeing finely laminated mudstones in abundance that look like lake deposits.”

The mudstone indicates the presence of bodies of standing water in the form of lakes that remained for long periods of time, possibly repeatedly expanding and contracting during hundreds to millions of years. These lakes deposited the sediment that eventually formed the lower portion of the mountain.

Paradoxically, this discovery further complicates the mystery of Mars. Some speculate that this water could have come from snowfall, which sounds crazy as fuck, but the issue that remains with any hypothesis is this: how was there enough of an atmosphere to retain water for such a long time?

A lingering question surrounds the original source of the water that carried sediment into the crater. For flowing water to have existed on the surface, Mars must have had a thicker atmosphere and warmer climate than has been theorized for the ancient era when Gale Crater experienced the intense geological activity. However, current models of this paleoclimate have, literally, come up dry.

Some have made the argument that there was an ocean in the plains north of the crater, but that does not explain how the water managed to exist as a liquid for extended periods of time on the surface.

Your mom could not be reached for comment.