As a single person, I know just how tough the dating world can be. The city is filled with tons of hot chicks, but despite everyone’s contention that there are so many girls to choose from, the big city can feel small when it comes to meeting new people. Dating apps are awesome, but sometimes you just wish you could do more.
Dan Perino decided to take matters into his own hands, posting thousands of posters around NYC announcing his intention to land a girlfriend. The picture of a stern Perino is accompanied with the text –
I’m really looking for a girlfriend. This is not a joke. Just tired of the singles scene and hoping to meet the right person. I am a professional artist and creative person. You know who you are. To me each and every person is beautiful. Open to the possibility of the relationship morphing into something more profound.
My favorite sentence is the almost ominous and threatening “you know who you are.” I saw the flyer posted near my office, and was so curious about this dude, I decided to call the number. Within two rings, Dan picked up. Here’s a rundown of what I learned from our conversation –
-He has put up over five hundred flyers a day, over the course of four days, and intends to keep putting them up.
-He’s received upwards of 400 calls since Friday. After the flier hit the internet, many of the calls have been from around the country.
-He decided to put up the flyers because he’s sick of sitting at his computer and staring at his phone all day. He likes being outside and feeling active. He also doesn’t want to just go to the bar scene and get girls drunk and take advantage of them. At 50, he feels too old to be living that lifestyle.
-The flyers were intended to be a social experiment, although he is genuine in his desire to find a girlfriend. “What’s the social experiment,” I ask. He says something about how women are more affectionate than men, but I can’t really follow.
-His ideal girlfriend is down to earth, shares the same interests as him (outdoorsy and into nature), and doesn’t want something purely physical. Note: If you’re a hot girl who is looking for something purely physical, please direct your inquiries to me.
-He is willing to date any age “as long as it’s legal.” Standards. I like it.
-He’s received a bunch of sex propositions over the phone, even though the flyers have only been up for four days. One girl invited him over to her hotel for sex. She sent him a sexy picture and was “totally gorgeous,” but she sounded a little drunk and he didn’t want to take advantage of her, so he turned her down. After hearing this, I am working on my flyer as we speak.
-A bunch of the calls have been teenagers, kids prank calling him, and men disguising their voice to sound like chicks and mess with him. Who would’ve thought?
-He intends to document his experience in a book, of which 45% is already written. He is purposefully evasive when it comes to the subject of the book. I hope it’s not “What I Learned From Dismembering Girls I Met Via A Flyer.”
-He claims to be “hung like a coke can.” Cool.
-He has received countless calls from gay men, but maintains that he “only plays for one team.” He finds all people “beautiful,” but would only get sexually involved with women. Any dude who has ever snuck a peek at his own asshole can probably confirm that there is nothing beautiful about men.
-This isn’t his first flyer experience, as documented by this NY Post story. He claims to be the fastest flyer-putter-upper in the city, as he’s had 34 years of posting flyers experience.
-He thought he had a live one with a girl over the weekend that he was texting with and then transitioned into long phone calls, but when he tried to meet up with her in person last night, she went radio silent and he gave up.
Dan’s still looking for his match. If you’re a hot chick who lives in the Tri-State area and loves the outdoors, hit this dude up! If you end up getting married, please invite me to the wedding. I’m great at speeches, just saying.