This is great. One of the great joys of living in NYC is live-tweeting conversations you overhear from bars is fun. Twitter person @CarrieMantha did just that last night, overhearing a trust-fund brat’s Tinder date from a bar. Here’s the entire hilarious conversation, via Buzzfeed News:
Sitting next to the most obnoxious Tinder couple ever. Dude is a 40-something trust fund baby, girl seems normal but inexplicably into him
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Dude: "So I said 'I don't have time to wait; I have a biz to run.'"
Girl: "What biz is that?"
Dude: "the business of enjoying my life"
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Dude just casually admitted it's his 3rd Tinder date OF THE DAY. Girl seems strangely amused, couple on the other side hilariously appalled
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Is that a lot or something? I don’t Tinder. I assume that’s a lot.
Oh God, he just said "Theoretically I should be providing for my daughter, but really my parents do that." Girl looks slightly confused
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
No. He. Didn’t. Oh man. Real winner right here.
Apparently his 3-Tinder record today is marred with an * because he saw the girl come in, decided she wasn't as cute as her pic & snuck out
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
It's really hard to believe this guy made it this far without anyone snatching him up. What a catch.
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
He's giving a rundown on what was wrong with prior Tinder dates. One girl was from Alabama and just wanted to watch FB all day (the horror!)
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"And this one girl ate AN ENTIRE DESSERT before the date was over AND asked for a bite of mine." (Sadly, I am now officially not his type)
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"I don't JUST fly around being a socialite, I also run a fund. I'm a serious investor." I assumed all serious investors were also socialites
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Girl: "When did you become an investor?"
Dude: "I've basically always been one"
Girl: "What do you invest in?
Dude: "Whatever I want"
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
You guys, HE'S SWIPING THROUGH TINDER WHILE SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM. I think he might actually be an addict. Appears to be all right-swipes.
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Dude: "You like fighter planes? I know a lot about fighter planes"
Girl: "Were you in the military?"
Dude: "No I just like fighter planes"
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Tinder dude just loudly referred to Obama as "the Trojan horse of Islam." Impressively synchronized choking-on-drink by couple next to him
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Girl: "Have you been to Africa?"
Dude: "I used to go on safari with my family, but that's how you get ebola – eating lion brains & stuff."
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Tinder Dude: "I lead a really healthy lifestyle. I take a lot of naps and smoke a lot of weed."
And, he's totally free from Ebola to boot.
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Oh yes. He's considering having someone build an app. Wait for it…Uber for dog walkers. Tweet me if you want in on the round. No cap, obvi
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"I've never done any drugs that aren't socially acceptable. I mean, I did snowcaps back in the day but whatever."
Snowcaps?
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Dude complaining that his brother is trustee of his mom's estate & won't release her money. "It's family money, it's not like it's hers" Wow
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"Everyone knows I'm the best investor in the family. Two of my brothers already spent their entire inheritance." #lowbar
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
This guy is like the Ron Burgundy of trust fund babies.
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"I only have guns because all these derelicts out there have guns. And because they're fun." He is packing in the topics for a 1st date…
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
Oh lord… "Do you have any like old samurai swords that have been in your family for centuries?" (Girl is Asian) #cringing
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
"I have a huge wine collection if you want to see it. I hardly show it to any of my Tinder dates." #whitestthingsyoucansay
— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014
We're back on foreign policy…
"These ISIS guys are already in the city. They're driving cabs everywhere." #hideyourkidshideyourwife— Carrie Mantha (@CarrieMantha) November 12, 2014