There’s nothing quite like the feeling you get when you spit someone’s retort right back in their face. Redditor DMZ_Dragon may not be the subject of the following story, but as the narrator and someone who was lucky enough to witness the events at hand, I’m sure her heart swelled at least one or two sizes after seeing her friend finally get revenge on the chick who’d crushed his self-esteem:
Two years ago, I met a guy, Hans, during a holiday in Europe. He’s the prototype of the ‘arian’ german, blonde hair, blue eyes, taller than me(I barely touch the 2 meters) and so on, but has struggled with being overweight for most of his life(imagine notorious BIG big). Had little success with girls because of it. He’s a fun guy, spirited, graduated as a chemist with the highest honours(or so I hear), etc. Ever since our meeting, we’ve been friends, shared stories, played games and kept contact, even though we were in completely different countries at the time.
One of the stories he told me during our conversations is that he tried online dating. He met this one German girl, Helga, online, who, despite his physical appearance, seemed nice and genuine. She was blonde, perky, pretty and interested. He met up with her a couple of times, took her on dinner dates like a gent, the whole shebang. All seemed well until one day he wanted to kiss her and she ‘recoiled’. By his account, she was suddenly cold and mean to him, despite being friendly before. When he asked if she liked him, the verbatim online reply was ‘Ugh, you’re so ugly, how could I?’. This crushed ‘m and that was the end of his online dating days. We’d still hang out, but the experience put a big damper on him. That sentence came up in chats a lot.
About three months ago, he moved back to Germany, having finished his chemist degree. Me and a couple of other friends all came together to his town and went to a local bar. The first night we couldn’t even spot him in the bar until he approached us. While not model-fit, the guy lost a ton of weight and was sporting some serious musculature. He said he’d been working out during his time abroad because he was tired of being ridiculed. Cue increased confidence, more girl attention, etc. Cheering, lots of beer and bad card games were had.
Couple of nights later we go to the same bar, for some of us it’s the last night in this quaint town, so we drink some more and (unsuccessfully) hit on many girls at the bar. Hans’ doing fine though, getting eyed up and even chatted up sometimes. At some point he comes back to the table with shock on his face.
After explaining to a few of us what he was talking about, we get the picture: there’s a group of girls at the bar, and one of them is Helga. They’ve been checking Hans out tonight, and Helga doesn’t seem to recognize him, and was apparently even eyeing him up. We wouldn’t be friends if we didn’t start to poke him to pay her back for what she did to him(we were in a mean mood, and from what we heard, she was basically Satan). A good number of beers later we do a little recon and hush out the details. About five girls, all good looking, have a direct view of our table and are obviously staring at the german giant sitting at it(not that the rest of us were ugly, it’s hard to compete with a mix of Dolph Lundgren and a viking). Hans is now more pliable to our peer pressure, so we just push ‘m to say exactly what he thinks to her.
He liked the look of one of the other girls in the group, lets call her Anna, the most, so that’s who he goes to chat up, two pulls of beer in hand and slightly tipsy. He’s standing in the middle of the girl group, making jokes, being his usual self and before long, has them in stitches. We’re watching this happening from our table, just close enough to be able to overhear the gist of the conversation in what is now a late evening bar.
Helga is obviously interested and is all over ‘m, still having no idea who he is. Anna didn’t stand much of a chance either, so he’s the life of the party. Still seems uncomfortable every time he looks at Helga.
When it’s time to go, it’s clear Anna and Helga are both pining for him and fighting for his attention. We’re standing nearby, chatting with the rest of the hen club, but obviously paying attention to the transpiring events. Anna clearly holds Hans’ favour and Helga, after being ignored for too long, pouts and goes:
‘Hans, don’t you like me?’
The bar’s quieter since it’s almost closing time, so we all hear this. Hans stops talking to Anna, turns around to look at Helga and, slightly swaying, angrily responds:
‘No, and you don’t like me!’
Both Helga and Anna are looking at him like ‘WTF’, until he catches his breath, calms down, and says the following in the most sneering sarcastic tone I have ever heard from the guy:
‘I’m so ugly, how could you?’ and breaks down. Anna, still not sure what’s going on, grabs him by the arm and they walk out of the bar, followed by the rest of the girls and us.
Helga is left standing there, eyes the size of teacups. I’m not sure if she remembered it at the time or was simply shocked by just being yelled at by a guy twice her size. Outside, Hans is crying manly tears, Anna is sitting on him trying to comfort him and the rest of the girls are all around him, presumably providing moral support. He tells them why he said what he did(a short version) and all we hear is ‘oh you poor thing’ in german. We’re containing the ‘oh shit’ reaction, trying not to either laugh or cheer for Hans.
Finally Helga, recuperated from her shock, comes out of the bar, and is now faced with some absolutely disgusted stares from her own girlfriends, and a maniacally grinning group of guys(us). You can see the seething hate in how she could have turned down this hunk and hurt him so much. She tries to go to Hans to presumably apologize, but can’t even get close to him as the girls protect him like he’s their cub. She leaves, presumably crying or mad.
Hans finally composes himself and says he wants to go home, but Anna is having none of it and basically drags him over to her place, supported by the other girls. We say our goodbyes and part ways, as do the girls, leaving Hans and Anna to themselves.
I don’t know what happened that night. I won’t speculate. What I do know is that he still lives there, is working as a chemist for a large company, is happily dating Anna and that Helga has been permanently removed from that girl club since that night. From what Hans told us, Anna chewed out Helga so badly that she had no friends left on the campus(the girls mentioned are all students there).
Yesterday I received a call from Hans telling me he’s planning to move in with Anna. According to him, he knows Anna is the girl because Helga somehow found his number and sent him a text to apologise for what she did. He showed Anna and she replied: ‘You’re so ugly, how could he?’
They never got an answer.
Eat shit, Helga. Eat. Shit.