Rec Soccer Player Kicked Out Of League For Epic List Of Offenses That Would Make Kenny Powers Proud


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This recreational soccer league in Cleveland have gotten their panties all in a bunch because one of the players attempted to make their shitty league a little entertaining with madcapped hijinx. The league told the Kenny Powers of rec soccer that he’s fucking out and ousted him from the league for his antics, which sound incredible.

Teenager Brian Garruto recently received an email that notified him that he has been banned because he did fun stuff during games like wearing a cowboy hat, eating a banana on the field, altering the scoreboard and wearing a Natural Light tank top as a uniform. Eating a banana on the field? WOAH! WATCH OUT FOR THIS GUY! The league needs to chill their fucking tits.


He’s the fucking Joe Horn of rec soccer.

This man takes off his shirt and he gets castigated, Brandi Chastain does the exact same thing in the 1999 FIFA Women’s World Cup and she is celebrated. Fucking sexism right there.

Giving birth is the circle of life.

Brian followed this text with a second one, in which he said:

I’d like to thank all the loyal fans of the Cleveland Steamers co ed team for supporting me during my season.

Here’s why I say fuck this league and their constricting rules. Brian played on a team named the “Cleveland Steamers.” Sorry, I can’t take your soccer league seriously when one of the teams is named after a sexual act of defecating on the chest of another person and then rocking back and forth to smear said feces everywhere.

I’d happily welcome Brian Garruto on my team, The Alabama Hot Pockets, in a heartbeat.

[GQ]