Did you know that Red Bull is about to launch a new flavor? I didn’t fucking know, but I came to work today and there was a box on my desk.
A fancy box.
Look how fancy this shit is.
I’ve seen engagement rings presented with less pomp.
It’s Red Bull’s new Orange Edition. Red Bull Orange! It’s the one that’s orange.
In it was a note.
We are excited to offer you a sneak peek of the newest Red Bull flavor offering the taste of tangerine, the wings of Red Bull … blah blah blah … we have fun mocktail recipes with the new flavor if you want.
BROS. HOW’S JACKED ARE YOU FOR SOME MOTHER FUCKING MOCKTAIL RECIPES? Take one part Red Bull, be a bitch, then go study for the calculus exam or some shit.
Yea. Fuck. That.
So, we waited until it was a reasonable hour (six-ish?) and did the only taste taste that matters. We made some Tangerine Red Bull and Vodkas. Give me a TRBV, I said to myself, as I was the person who had the Tangerine Red Bull and was making them.
Now, let me get one thing straight. I’m lucky I’m not dead from drinking Red Bull and Vodkas and Jager Bombs all throughout my 20s. I mean, the things I did to my heart… I’d have been healthier having a cocaine addiction. Probably. I don’t even know why I did it. I didn’t like the taste. I had youthful energy. But I inhaled that shit. God. It was all so awful. I never want a Red Bull flavored alcohol drink again in my life.
But science is science and blogging is blogging so we made ourselves some god damn cocktails.
We even snapped the process, too (follow along Bros, snapchat/add/brobible1, do it you mother fucking pussies).
And you know what?
It’s a fucking good ass drink. A hell of a lot better than a regular old RBV. The tangerine flavor is sweet, without tasting fake. There’s no metallic ting. There’s no wack ass whatever is in a regular Red Bull (Craisins?). Honestly? I feel like I could put back 1,000 of these before a wedding.
Says Matt Keohan, “It looks like dehydrated piss. But damn is it delicious.”
So, when it comes out, make some TRBVs. If you like RBVs for the energy and the alcohol but don’t like the taste, this is the drink for you.* **
*I think the FDA requires me to say something like don’t do this because it’s bad for your health fart noise.
**Also, I ran out of TRB, but I bet this would be BANGING with Bulleit Bourbon. Also, it would be called a TRBBB. That’s a dope name. Can I get Three TRBBBs? I would ask a bartender, who would stare blankly then move on to the next customer.