New Service Allows You To Ship A Shit Load Of Glitter To Someone You Hate Because There’s Nothing Worse Than Glitter


Glitter. It’s the fucking worst. I’d personally rather receive a box of human shit every day of the week than one glitter bomb from this company. Shit is easy. You open it, you look at it in utter bewilderment and say, “WHAT THE FUCK, IS THIS HUMAN SHIT?” and then you move on with your life. But not glitter. Glitter is the shit that keeps on shitting. It gets everywhere and it adheres itself to your body in the worst places possible. You ever get one tiny speck of glitter on your eye lid? Say goodbye to 45 mins of your day trying to peel it off.

Realizing that glitter is THE WORST, some geniuses decided to launch a service to anonymously ship your enemies glitter. And the site is called exactly that: shipyourenemiesglitter.com. The site’s FAQ’s should clear up all the questions you have.

What happens when I give you my money?
We’ll vomit up a tonne of glitter & put it in an envelope with your recipients address on the front of it. We’ll also include a note telling them how awful they are which will be folded within.

How much does it cost?
$9.99AUD for anywhere in the world. Come on, it’s Australian Dollars so it’s probably only a few bucks for you.

Why should I pay you to send glitter to someone I hate?
First off, use your f*cking imagination. We’re going to be pouring a tonne of glitter into an envelope with a folded up piece of paper. You know what’s going to happen when that f*ckface opens the envelope & pulls out the letter? The craft herpes will be released & will go everywhere.

Why are you so obsessed with glitter?
Go fuck yourself.

I’ve always wondered if a secret hatred for me is the reason why my one aunt sends me Christmas cards that are covered in glitter, half of which has fallen off by the time I open the envelope, every year. I always thought, “Naw, she wouldn’t do that. I might not be her favorite nephew but I’m certainly the best looking.” Sadly, Ship Your Enemies Glitter is now causing me to second guess my already flawed logic of why she wouldn’t intentionally send me a fuck load of glitter every year.