Soylent is a company that prides itself in selling meal replacement bars and shakes. Their motto is, “We engineer foods that offer complete nutrition, value, and convenience.” What’s not too convenient is having to shit like a madman every time you eat something. And apparently, this is a real issue for users of the company’s new Food Bar and Soylent 2.0 drinks.
Meal replacement bars causing an intestinal circus isn’t something new. I used to eat a lot of protein bars in college (don’t judge me, you prick) and everyone knew to say away from my room in the Pike house because I was hurling flatulence hard and fast. I could drink protein shakes till I was blue in the face, but the moment I ate a bar, things got prettay, prettay, prettay hairy. But it never made me physically ill like Soylent’s drinks and bars are allegedly doing to their customers.
“Early in September, I experienced intense vomiting about 3-4 hours after eating a Food Bar. The vomiting lasted several hours. I think it was probably the worst vomiting episode I ever experienced. I did not experience diarrhea.”
But wait, there’s more! These next few people got some serious ‘rhea.
I am literally sitting on the throne right now shitting my brains out for the fourth time in a month after eating 1 bar each day I got sick.”
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me four times, it’s become apparent I never learn.” – That person, probably.
“Happened to me about a month ago as well, all I had eaten that day was some 2.0 and a bar (with 1966 on it). I didn’t email RL initially because I assumed it was just a stomach bug or something. With all the recent discussion, I did email them yesterday, gave them info from my remaining bars, and they offered me a replacement or refund. I chose the refund.”
And another one…
“After eating one in the middle of the day I became very nauseous and had awful diarrhea. Nothing else in my diet had changed so when I saw on the subreddit that other had similar problems there was no doubt in my mind what the cause was.”
And this last one has enjoyable wording.
“I don’t know what batch I have, but I ate half a bar and very nearly threw up. My mom, however, has been eating that same box with no problem.”
“My mom was eating the same box…” My head lives in the gutter.
For good measure, here is one from Soylent’s own message boards:
I decided to bring some food bars along for my vacation in Europe. Then the trouble started: – Vomited on the airplane to Europe. Contents of stomach: food bar, half a cliff bar and some airplane food (go figure). Vomited about 4-5 hours after consuming the food bar. – Vomited a week and a half into trip, 2 hours after consuming food bar. Nothing other than a food bar had been consumed that day. Also had diharrea. I was out of commission for the rest of the day. – Vomited 2 weeks into the trip (today), 3 hours after consuming part of a food bar. This time I cautiously only ate 1/5th of a bar. Nothing other than a food bar had been consumed that day.
Three cheers for Soylent! Hip Hip Hooray. Hip Hip Hooray. Hip Hip OH FUCK I SHIT MYSELF!