Guess Which Tasty Fish You Eat On The Regular Just Tested Positive For Cocaine! HINT: This Is Not A Sexual Innuendo

Just because your girlfriend likes doing blow off your dick in her free time does not mean her vagina is being researched by scientists and tested for drugs. We’re talking about a different fish here – a better, tastier, probably less expensive but harder to find fish than the one you can find between your girl’s legs. What fish are we talking about? You haven’t figured it out yet?

Salmon, bitches.

According to The Seattle Times, the salmon in Puget Sound (located just outside of Seattle, as you should have guessed on your own considering I just cited The Seattle Times) are on drugs – specifically “Prozac, Advil, Benadryl, Lipitor, even cocaine.” So if you’re in need of a good time and have no friends to party with, dunk your body into some radioactive waste, grow some gills and head on down to party with the salmon in Puget Sound! But only go if you party hardy and can handle your shit, because despite the veritable cocktail of drugs I just listed, the salmon pop more than just allergy medication and snow:

The estuary waters near the outfalls of sewage-treatment plants, and effluent sampled at the plants, were cocktails of 81 drugs and personal-care products, with levels detected among the highest in the nation.
The medicine chest of common drugs also included Flonase, Aleve and Tylenol. Paxil, Valium and Zoloft. Tagamet, OxyContin and Darvon. Nicotine and caffeine. Fungicides, antiseptics and anticoagulants. And Cipro and other antibiotics galore.(via)

Flonase: for when you’re out of cocaine and are dying to snort something up your nose regardless.

Scientists in the area are currently torn on how the drug levels in the Puget Sound salmon became so high, with some believe “it could be because people here use more of the drugs detected, or it could be related to wastewater-treatment plants’ processes,” according to toxicologist Jim Meador. If you’re based in the Seattle area and love salmon there’s no need to panic – you’re not going to die. The drugs were only detected in “juvenile chinook,” aka not what you’re eating:

Meador said he doubted there would be effects from the chemicals on human health, because people don’t eat sculpin or juvenile chinook, and levels are probably too low in the water to be active in humans. But one of the reasons the wastewater pollutants studied as a class are called “chemicals of emerging concern” is because so little is known about them.

However, “You have to wonder what it is doing to the fish,” Meador said. Hisother recent work has shown that juvenile chinook salmon migrating through contaminated estuaries in Puget Sound die at twice the rate of fish elsewhere.(via)

Silly Jim Meador, the fish are getting TURNT. What else would be happening to them? Duh.

And before you sprint to the grocery store to buy bottled water, don’t bother – The Seattle Times notes that the study was not connected with drinking water, and that Seattle residents “receive first-use water from the high Cascades, above any wastewater discharge and remote from human populations and septic tanks.”

[H/T The Seattle Times]