Lawyers get a bad rap. Usually it’s from mouth-breathing morons who don’t understand their importance for individual liberty. But — in my humble opinion — the Harvey Specters of the world are just as American as baseball and apple pie. The best scene in Thank You For Smoking is when Aaron Eckhart’s son looks up to his lobbyist father and says “Dad, why is American government the greatest government in the world?” And without batting a lash, Eckhart shoots back “Because of endless appeals system.” Fuckin’ right. Without lawyers, our constitutional rights would just be a napkin for positions of power to wipe their saucy mouthes with.
Which brings me to the subject of this post: Ft. Worth-based defense attorney Bryan Wilson, a.k.a. The Texas Law Hawk. Wilson is as Bro as it gets — he’s young, a total stud, fratted hard in college, loves the shit out of America, and knows YOUR RIGHTS as a citizen. He even has a guide to “5 Things You Should Know When Police Come to Your House” on his website, complete with illustrations from Home Alone about your 4th Amendment rights when dealing with the authorities.
Wilson graduated from Texas A&M as an undergrad, according to his bio. For law school, he graduated top 7% of his law school class at Texas Tech University School of Law. In 2014, Fort Worth, Texas Magazine named him Top Attorney of Tarrant County with under five years of practice.
C.V. aside, you’ll forever know him as the Texas Law Hawk after watching his commercials. Earlier in 2015, Wilson released some hyper-patriotic YouTube videos advertising his TALONS OF JUSTICE! for criminal defense. Then he dropped another one earlier this week.
They’re both so damn patriotic, they made me chub a freedom boner that’s bigger than the wood Gen. George Washington popped when he saw Betsy Ross with the Stars and Stripes.
“DUE PROCESS?! DO WHEELIES!”
[H/T: Daily Dot]