The 7 Benefits Of Dating A Chick With Brothers

by 2 years ago


This may be a bit biased considering I have no female siblings and two male ones, but that’s beside the point. I also have 23 years of observation under my belt so, to be fair; I’m practically a learned doctor on the subject.

I realize that a chick with a brother (or brothers) may be off putting to some guys because they’re fearful of getting the shit kicked out of them should they dick the girl over…but logistically, that only happens in the movies (or if the girl’s family is mafia related). You don’t want to piss off any brother named Frankie, Johnny, Tony, Carmine, Joey, Vinny or Vito.

Dating a lady with brothers is a solid investment of your time.  I could end it here, but I think I should explain. I’ll do that now. Wait, gotta sneeze. Okay, here we go:


She’s Less High Maintenance

Not having a sister to share makeup and hair and clothing with lessens the pressure on a female to give a shit about such things. This isn’t to say that because she has brothers she doesn’t take care of herself, but it’s more of a one hour to get ready in the morning situation versus 3 hours, 2 outfit changes, and 5 lipstick options.


She Understands Men Better Than Most

This is sort of like someone who spends their time bird watching. If you make it a point to be around birds throughout your life (why?) it’s guaranteed that you’re going to have a clear understanding of how they work, their mannerisms, what makes them tick, when they’re being complete bullshit-liars, so on and so forth….


She May Actually Give A Shit About Sports

Having brothers who play sports means that she was forced by way of familial obligation to attend said sporting events, and thus developed an understanding and appreciation for how the game is played. This can apply to Football, Baseball, Basketball, Soccer and Lacrosse—if her brother was on the fencing team, I’m sorry.


She’ll Definitely Get Along With Your Friends

Similarly to her understanding men (remember that super creative bird watching analogy??) she’ll be comfortable around them too. Unless you’re friends with complete dicks (which is a possibility, but that’s you’re shitty life decision) she’ll have no trouble getting along with them.


She’s More Selective When It Comes To Choosing Female Friends

When you grow up around men, there’s an obvious lack of estrogen companionship. Because of this, if she’s normal, she’ll befriend other girls at school, work, etc. However, in her dealings with mostly bros she begins to notice that female friendships can be …difficult. Don’t shoot the messenger, but women can be petty, vindictive, and manipulative—especially to their friends. I tend to get really annoyed when people give women shit for having mostly male friends—there’s usually this notion that she does it for attention or that she simultaneously takes turns blowing all of them. I’m going to venture a guess and say, perhaps she just has brothers and that’s where her comfort level lies. She’s not going to avoid women, that’s just impossible, we’re pretty persistent, but she’ll definitely be more cautious in who she befriends.


She Knows You’re Gross

I don’t want to be explicit, but in growing up with mostly men, I have seen some terrible, terrible things—things that give me night terrors—things that make it difficult to eat. I’m being dramatic, but in all seriousness, men are disgusting and a girl with brothers is completely attuned to that fact. Nothing will shock her—not the fact you spend an hour taking a shit and don’t use Lysol, not the fact that you wear dirty underwear instead of doing the laundry, not the fact that you have both lotion and tissues in various places in your bedroom.


She Can Take Care of Herself

I’m not really sure how it works in 2015 because everyone is so butt-hurt when it comes to political correctness but as a child, when I fought with my siblings it was of the physical variety. Do kids still do that? I don’t know exactly how many ‘dead-legs’ I’ve received in my life…but I’m thinking it’s in the 1,000’s. I’ve also endured my fair share of verbal abuse—I was a fat girl with 2 brothers—you do the math. I could bitch and moan about it, but to be fair, it gave me a really thick skin. It takes a lot to hurt my feelings and while most people don’t have to endure insults on a regular basis—I write for the Internet—so thank you to my brothers because without them I may actually be bothered by being called a talentless turd!


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