A Tourist In New York City Made Up His Own ‘Humans Of New York’ Story And It’s 100x Better Than The Actual Stories

While the Humans of New York blog can be occasionally inspiring, more often than that it’s several beautiful shades of dumb dumb and dumber. For those of you who haven’t been subjected to Facebook reposts from the HONY blog, it’s basically a picture of a random person on the streets of NYC and a little blurb about their backstory. Usually their backstory is “inspiring” or “interesting,” two words I’m using very gratuitously here. For example, look at this kid:


This kid is at least 8 and wants to be a goddamn train when he grows up. You know what I wanted to be when I was 8? A swim teacher. Obviously I was dreaming big but at least I didn’t want to become a fucking inanimate object.



You literally just made that up.



Someone please tell me how a picture of a guy humping a parking meter is inspirational.

As you can see this blog is full of pseudo-thought-provoking bullshit, and Australian comedian Hamish Blake agrees (probably). While in NYC Blake stood out on a random street corner in an attempt to get noticed by the HONY blog, yet to no avail.



Instead, he decided to take matters into his own hands and take his own pseudo-artsy-fartsy photo and come up with a beautiful story that blows every single other post on the HONY blog out of the water.


“I grew up on a ketchup farm in Mississippi.

We would go out all day and dig up bottles of ketchup then sell them by the side of the road for 10 dimes, which most people just call a dollar now.

It wasn’t till I was 18 that my pappy told me there’s no such thing as a ketchup farm, he was buying those bottles in town and burying them in the middle of the night just to give us something to do the next day.

They cost him two dollars a bottle, so we were losing a solid dollar every bottle, plus the time spent digging them up and him sneaking out every night to bury them.

After I found out I moved to New York to become a jazz dancer. I became a hit and danced privately for many well known celebrities and world leaders.

I would sometimes dance quietly for Einstein in his study, he said it helped him think. I was dancing softly in the corner when he came up with the E equals Mc Squared stuff.”

That sounds about par for the course.

 [H/T The New Daily, images via Humans of New York and The New Daily]