“Stress: it’s stressful.”
No, that quote isn’t all that profound, but when you stop and think about it, it’s the damn truth. Something in your life stresses you out (this is natural), but then that stressful thing in turn, turns everything else that’s going on into a stressful event.
You start to do one thing, but then remembering that stressful thing hanging over your head like a black cloud creeps its way back into your mind and now you’re double stressed. Trying to deal with what’s at hand and not completely freak out about whatever the first thing that stressed you out was. It’s really never ending.
Here’s just a few examples of little things that can be the initial cause of stress that ultimately circle back around the beginnings of this nightmarish life catch-22 which thrives on your anxiety-driven life.
When you’re out with somebody and they just start ordering stuff without immediately mentioning to the server that you’re not going to be on the same ticket
How can you honestly enjoy that pitcher of beer not knowing whether or not they will slyly suggest, “Hey if you get this, I’ll get us next time,” only for you to not see them for long enough that they assume you’ve forgotten? You can’t!
When you ask your significant other where they would like to eat and they say, “I don’t know,” so you have to try and remember every restaurant within a 15 mile radius to stimulate their brain cells
Boy howdy, who knew lunch was going to turn into seeing if you could recite the Yellow Pages from memory? Try not to jump off a bridge as they respond to every suggestion with, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I’m not in the mood for that really. What else?”
When you’re driving and other people are also driving
Why, WHY?! Can’t you just drive down a major highway without there being a terrifying amount of traffic that you feel like could turn into a pileup at any moment? Is that too much to ask?!
When your parents try to communicate with you through any medium at all
“Oh God, what do they want? Do I have to answer this phone call? Do they really just want to engage in small talk? How am I supposed to let them know I lost my job?!” Also, don’t read too much into the text reply, “K,” if at all possible.
When you realize that other people probably have preconceived notions about you, then you must try and consider all the possibilities out there about you, thus concluding they’re right and you’re a moron
Yeah, people talk about you, in the same way you talk about them behind their backs. Let that soak in for a moment, then go spiraling downward into a rabbit hole of, “Maybe they’re right and I am an underachieving asshole with no life?” Yep!
When you want to be healthy, but pizza and burgers exist
Can you eat either of those things without your belt feeling a bit more snug by the end of the meal? Every bite is going to feel like scientific research and that’s no way to enjoy a meal.
When you ask somebody what they want to watch on Netflix and they say, “I don’t know, mind if I look around a bit?”
Every. Single. Scroll. Will feel as if they just went past the greatest option there is. Why did you hand over the remote? Why did you give up power in this situation? What if they choose one of those depressing documentaries?! You’re fucked!
When you post something on social media then immediately regret having done so, because everyone will certainly think you’re a buffoon for sharing whatever it was
Zero likes equates to zero self esteem, and that’s what you’ve potentially just set yourself up for. Better earnestly refresh until one comes in, but, “What if none do?!”
When you wake up one day and realize your career is in the toilet, but there’s nothing you can do about it, so you have to swallow your pride and keep solemnly marching into the office and pretending you’d rather doing literally anything else
Try not jumping down the elevator shaft when somebody notices this feeling washed over your face and says, “Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays!”
When you get out of the shower, wipe the steam from the mirror, look at yourself only to have the epiphany that you may in fact die alone
HAHA, *gulp* looks like the reality of life has just come down upon you. Even if you’re married, they might die first, thus leaving you alone. Now you’ve got to consider trying to die first just to beat the odds! Time to chow down on those pizzas and burgers, right? RIGHT.
When you wake up in a cold sweat thinking about things that had previously stressed you out, thus you get stressed out about them all over again
Previous stressors simply lead to further stress about stress. Sounds stressful, right? That’s because stress is s cynical cycle of never-ending doom. Good luck out there!
When you consider whatever the fuck all those documentaries were about!
“Wait there’s an entire section on Netflix dedicated to documentaries? There’s that much wrong in the world? And, there’s nothing I can do about it, except watch a documentary and feel really bad that I may in fact be part of the problem? Geez, I can’t handle it, I need some comfort food.”
*Return to previous stressor when you ask the person you’re with what they would like to eat in order to comfort the two of you and they say, “I don’t know.”*
Stressed man image by Shutterstock