Valentine’s Day is the one time of the year where I get to guilt my boyfriend into not only buying me presents, but taking me out to dinner so I can stuff myself like a pig and not feel bad about it. Of course in exchange he gets laid (I’m not heartless calm down), but the quality of the gift determines how much effort I’m willing to put forth after I ate an entire tray of mozzarella sticks and a cheeseburger at dinner. Sex isn’t fun on a full stomach, it’s a workout. So if you want your bloated-on-food whale of a girlfriend to rock your world come Valentine’s night, you should probably aim for one of the gifts on this list. Play it safe, Bros.
Granted, corsets aren’t exactly everyday-wear. I wouldn’t roll up to Denny’s for a greasy hangover breakfast wearing a corset, but would I wear one out to the bar at night or even to a club? Of course. No one in the history of the world has ever put on a corset and NOT looked good, which means the same applies to your girlfriend. Buy her a regular ol’ shirt and there’s a chance she’ll look like crap in it, but with a corset you can’t lose. Plus, these things are durable. You could run a corset over with a lawnmower and it’d come out looking unscathed. Basically, buy one and your girlfriend will not only she look hot but she’ll be able to wear it forever and ever and ever.
2. Concert Tickets
Look, if you can’t even think of one band your girl likes then you probably shouldn’t be dating. Just pick that one song she likes off the radio, see if they’re coming to town anytime soon and gift her tickets for the both of you to go see them live. Not only do you get to go to the concert, but she thinks you were being thoughtful and paying attention to stuff she likes. It doesn’t matter that in reality you just wanted an excuse to see Kygo live, as long as you don’t follow it up with “But you get to pay for the cab there” you’ll be golden.
3. Fully Paid Spa Day
If going to the spa isn’t your thing then you can just tell her she can bring a friend instead of you if she wants. Now, if she wants to bring you you’re stuck going, but what are the chances she’d pick you over her best friend? A day spent gossiping with her girlfriends at the spa > a day with you looking annoyed that she’s making you take a mud bath. The points you’ll score with her best friend for suggesting your girlfriend takes her instead of yourself will come in handy down the road too.
4. Just Straight-Up Clean Her House
If you’re reading this you’re probably in college, and if you’re not it doesn’t matter because nothing is better than coming home to a clean house/dorm. When I was in college I lived with 5 other girls and our house was disgusting. Dishes everywhere, baby magazines littered about (yeah I had one roommate who read baby magazines; I still don’t get it) and just a general scent of stale beer that you’d get a nice whiff of every now and then in the kitchen. It wasn’t that we were dirty people, it was that we lived in that house for 2 years and stuff just built up over time. If you get down on your knees and clean, really clean her house that’s worth like $500 in cleaning lady fees. Plus, you won’t have to look at the crusty spaghetti dishes sitting in the sink anymore.
5. Take A Mini Vacation
I’m not saying you should fly her out to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun or anything, but renting a cabin up in the mountains for a weekend isn’t out of the question. Think about it. The two of you, a roaring fire, the snow-laced mountains and a pitcher of hot cider spiked with hot cinnamon vodka…who wouldn’t want that for Valetine’s day?
You know that thing where your girlfriend steps out of the shower and you’re hoping for some hot and sexy Baywatch kind of thing where she whips her wet hair around and somehow looks like a beautiful supermodel, but what you get is essentially a wet dog in a towel? Robes fix that. Your girlfriend is obviously a 10/10 at all times, but the thing that’s ruining her sexy shower exit is that ratchet towel she’s got wrapped around herself. Towels are for children and senior citizens, robes are for your girl.
7. Cooking Classes
There’s no way to lose with this gift. Best case scenario, your girlfriend learns how to cook like Gordon Ramsay on steroids and you get a meal at the end of class; worst case scenario your girl hasn’t improved her cooking skills whatsoever…but you still get free food at the end of class. In case you didn’t realize, that’s a win-win situation for you.
I don’t care who your girl is or what walk of life she comes from; she will drink wine. Have a bad day at work? She’ll drink wine when she gets home. Watching a movie? She’ll drink wine during it. Having friends over? Break out the wine guys, I’m feelin’ some White Zinfandel tonight. Now I’m not saying your girl is an alcoholic, but I’m writing this at 11:30 in the morning and my roommate is sitting next to me sipping red wine out of a champagne glass. Wine is applicable at any time and any day, so giving your girlfriend the gift of not having to go to the liquor store for a month because you bought her 10 bottles of wine is essentially the same as winning the lottery.
9. It’s Cliche Because It Works: Flowers
Flowers are one of the most cliché Valentine’s Day gifts you can get a girl, but that’s only because they work. Now I’m not talking about giving her a rose or some cheap bull like that, I’m talking about you getting off your bum and ordering 5 bouquets to be delivered to her office while she’s working so that her entire workplace sees all these deliverymen parading through with bouquets on bouquets. It’s not about the actual flowers, per se; it’s more about her being able to show off how much her boyfriend loves her in front of other people. Besides, who doesn’t like flowers?
Girls pick out their bras with the utmost care and are willing to blow $60+ on just one, even if it drains their bank account. Panties, on the other hand, are sort of a second thought and consequently girls tend to end up with amazing bras and cruddy panties. So why don’t you gift her some? Honestly if I got gifted panties for Valentine’s Day, Christmas and my birthday every year I’d be set for life. Plus, you can probably guess what size your girlfriend is (S, M, L) more accurately than you can guess her bra size.
And of course if you’re still stumped even after this list, you can just head over to Frederick’s of Hollywood and grab basically anything there, you can’t go wrong. BroBible readers also get 20% off of orders of $75 or more, plus FREE shipping on EVERYTHING with the following code: FOHSPR20
So…why are you still here when you should be out getting gifts for your girlfriend? Get busy Bros!
[Images via Youtube]