Vladimir Putin May Be Dead, Bros (But Also, Maybe Not?)

[Putin, seen above, is not impressed with our speculation]

Something funky is going on in Russia, home of BroBible’s favorite democratically elected dictator, Vladimir Putin.

The issue? Well, Putin himself. No one knows where he is. Like literally.

Over the past week, Putin was supposed to meet with two foreign leaders, from Kazakhstan and Georgia, but he canceled both appearances. The last time he was seen in public was March 5th, ten days ago, with the prime minister of Italy.

For someone with as big a public persona as Putin (see: riding tigers, executing dissidents), that’s led to rampant speculation, especially on Twitter, which presumes he’s dead.

There are also rumors of a coup.

Amid claims that Putin has not been keeping well, Daily Mail, citing pro-Kremlin Islamic Committee chairman Geydar Dzhemal, reported that former Federal Security Service chief Nikolai Patrushev staged a stealthy coup in Moscow.

Further backing the rumour that Putin has been taken out in a coup, social media reports claimed that several tanks were spotted outside Kremlin after a three-hour power outage.

Russia is claiming nothing is wrong with their dear leader, which they must, for his projection of strength is essential to his cult of personality. Except that Kazakh officials said he canceled because he was sick.

A Kazakh governmental source said Putin’s trip to Astana scheduled for this week was canceled because Putin had fallen ill, stirring speculation on social media that something had happened to the 62-year-old leader.

That’s been denounced by his press secretary who said, “his handshake is so strong he breaks hands with it.”


But no one knows. Imagine if no one had seen Barack Obama for a week-and-a-half. Gawker says he has the flu, which is a long time to be taken out by a cold.

Then there’s the rumor he’s in Switzerland, witnessing the birth of an illegitimate child.

Putin was even momentarily found, in the vicinity of Ticino, Switzerland, where, a local tabloid announced, Putin’s gymnast girlfriend Alina Kabayeva had given birth.

That rumor was dismissed as well, though.

Basically, no one knows. So what do you think, Bros? Where’s Putin?