Whole Foods May Include Tattoo Parlors And Record Shops In Stores Because Millennials

Hey, do you like grocery shopping for ginger mojito Kombucha and quinoa chia seed sweet potato chili, BUT also like getting a quote from Nietzsche tattooed on your rib cage? Well you just might be in fucking luck because Whole Foods is contemplating going all-in on attracting millennials by putting tattoo parlors and record shops in their grocery stores.

To compete against the hipster-oriented Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods Market Inc. Co-Chief Executive Officer Walter Robb is thinking outside the Tofurky box.

From USA Today:

Whole Foods has advertised that it’s looking to find suppliers and vendors to set up shop in its 365 stores through a program called “Friends of 365.” The new chain’s website says shoppers may see other businesses, such as body-care product sellers, record shops and tattoo parlors, inside 365 stores and on its outdoor patios.

Can you imagine?

“Hey sweetie, while you pick out your $12.99 bottle of cold-pressed juice, I’m going to see if they have Miles Davis’ ‘Kind of Blue,’ Grizzly Bear’s ‘Veckatimest’ and Aesop Rock’s ‘Bazooka Tooth’ on vinyl, then get a tattoo with a compass or mountains to express my wanderlust to everyone.”

Let’s not even get into the health dangers of having human blood splatter 50-feet and land on your chirimoya fruit and your black mission figs from Croatia. One way ticket to Hepatitis City.