Have you ever cheated on your significant other? Why? Was it because you had a gun to your head and the only other option was death? Maybe it was because you suffered recent brain trauma and forgot you were dating someone? Or could it have been because your partner forgot to get you flowers for Mother’s Day?
No, that couldn’t be why. That would be so dumb! So dumb, in fact, that it’s true because the human race are just a collective bunch of dicks sitting in a bag just rotting in the sun. People suck, and Ann, whose name has been changed because who the fuck would want to be associated with the following story, sucks even worse than most.
You see, Ann’s husband, Derek, didn’t get her flowers on Mother’s Day.
…yeah I don’t get it either, but whatever. Apparently that’s grounds for running out and wiping away your tears with some random man’s boner to make yourself feel better.
Opening the Mother’s Day card last year from my husband, Derek*, my heart sank. We’d been married for more than 15 years, and I was the mom of his two young children — but he hadn’t even thought to buy me flowers, let alone jewelry.
The whole run-up to Mother’s Day had been depressing. It made me feel old, like I was losing my sexiness. My marriage was stuck in a rut…
Derek is only 48, but he might as well be in his 70s — he’s always tired and unmotivated. We have sex about once a week, though it’s hardly passionate. I never orgasm and just go through the motions.
So, the day after Mother’s Day, I set up a profile on the cheaters’ website Ashley Madison.(Via)
Oh, so she cheated on “Derek” because her life was in a downward spiral and Derek just sorta sucks in general. Hm. Well I could be wrong, but I think that’s what couple’s therapy / divorce is for, but what do I know? I’m a shitty little 22-year-old who isn’t married. Brb while I go fuck myself.
The day after Mother’s Day, “Ann” set up a profile on Ashley Madison, a cheaters’ website, and less than one week later went out with “Tom.”
We ended up having a lot of fun drinking wine and getting to know each other.
We first had sex three weeks later, at a Best Western off Route 80. It sounds seedy, but it wasn’t. The sex wasn’t the best thing since sliced bread, just very intimate and passionate. I still wasn’t able to orgasm — in fact, I never have. But it got better as time went on…
After that, Tom and I met for sex about once a month for six months, but then he started to flake out on me, canceling our meetings and making excuses. By then, I’d fallen in love with him. I never told him, because I knew deep down that he wanted to keep things casual and not leave his wife and family. To be honest, neither did I. Eventually, we stopped seeing each other.
After that, I met and slept with two other men through Ashley Madison, and I’m currently chatting online with a few guys. Derek and I still have sex about once a week, and I’m afraid to say the sex hasn’t improved.
But now that I’ve had my affairs, it doesn’t bother me as much. If there is one thing I’ve learned from the experience, it’s that mothers need to pamper themselves and have fun elsewhere if they don’t feel appreciated at home.(Via)
Oh well thank Christ you’re finally pampering yourself. Don’t mind the fact that you’re cheating on your husband with random Internet men and could potentially send your children’s lives into a downward spiral should your family find out what you’re doing. No really, don’t mind it. Just keep pampering yourself.
It’s Mother’s Day, you deserve it.
[H/T NY Post]