Why don’t I ever go to the circus, you ask? For one thing, no matter where you go, where you hide or how much tissue you stuff up your nose, the ever-present scent of pure animal shit will seep so deeply into your clothes that everyone at the office will avoid you for at least a month (this is great if you hate everyone in your office, but if you don’t, not so much). The peanut stand, the cotton candy booth, the porta potties, no matter where you go it’s impossible to escape the smell of poo. Not only that, but I’m not impressed by trained animals. If you smacked me with a whip all day erry’ day and told me to “sit,” well duh I’m going to sit. Taking a beating 24/7 for the amusement of others isn’t exactly anyone’s jam, which means I’m just going to bide my time until I can fucking eat you and your goddamn whip. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that this woman got fucked up by this lion.
This is the moment a teacher cheated death in front of her pupils after being attacked by a lion when she entered its cage as a volunteer.
The animal leapt on Roxana Guevara and tossed her around like a rag doll at a circus in the Peruvian city of Cuzco.
Miraculously, she managed to get up and stagger to safety after it freed her from its jaws as the lion tamer chased it around the cage, trying to beat it with a stick.
Roxana, who had taken her pupils along to watch the show, suffered severe scratches to her neck and chest.
Speaking from her hospital bed, Roxana relived her terrifying ordeal.
Ironically, she said volunteered to demonstrate the lion wasn’t aggressive.
She added: “The lion tamer told me, ‘Don’t be afraid, we’ve done this before and it’s very docile.’
Too bad Roxana forgot that it was opposite day, which meant that “docile” had a new meaning of “it will do its very damn best to fuck you up and eat your face.” Lesson learned: don’t fux with lions.