Aaron Rodgers Is A Mustache And A Cigarette Away From Becoming Rust Cohle

aaron rodgers and rust cohle

Getty Image/HBO

Last offseason, Aaron Rodgers put the Green Bay Packers through footballing limbo as he made a decision on his future with the team, ultimately deciding to sign a 3-year, $150 million extension with the team. That was on March 15, 2022.

This offseason, Rodgers once again finds himself in the same position as he mulls his playing future, albeit this time, it feels as though the Packers are ready to move on.

It’s certainly hard to blame Green Bay for being fed up with Rodgers’ prolonged nonsense, as he previously promised to not put the team through the same holding pattern that he did last year. Except, in classic Aaron Rodgers fashion wherein he’s only considering himself, he’s done the exact same thing, as the Packers (or the Jets, or anyone else in the NFL, for that matter) currently have no idea what Rodgers is planning to do despite it now being March 13, the day the NFL begins to allow “official tampering” prior to the beginning of free agency of Wednesday.

Which, ultimately, begs the question of if Rodgers understands how time works. Despite telling the Packers he wouldn’t drag this out, he has. Despite going on a darkness retreat to help make his decision, he hasn’t. When he exited the dark retreat, he said a decision will come “soon enough.” That was a fortnight ago.

Now — while speaking to Brandon Marshall on the I AM ATHLETE podcast — Rodgers once again gave an update on his decision, saying “it won’t be long, there’s a time limit for all of this.”

Perhaps Rodgers’ lack of understanding of time explains how he can be so dominant in the regular season and so subpar in the postseason: he doesn’t realize he’s playing in a playoff game until it’s already over. Rodgers is a pack of Marlboro Reds, a six-pack of Lone Star and a mustache from looking into the camera and telling the world that “time is a flat circle.”

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Eric Italiano BroBIble avatar
Eric Italiano is a NYC-based writer who spearheads BroBible's Pop Culture and Entertainment content. He covers topics such as Movies, TV, and Video Games, while interviewing actors, directors, and writers.