Hey #USMNT, @AlexiLalas has a message for you. pic.twitter.com/xzXfOywU22
— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) September 11, 2017
In case you haven’t been paying attention (you know, because REAL FOOTBALL, ‘MURICA, HURRICANES, BUTT-CHUGGIN’ BEERS), the USMNT kinda sucks right now. They lost to Costa Rica — a country that doesn’t even have a freakin’ centralized military — 4-0. They tied against Honduras in a World Cup qualifier, with ESPN saying they only have a 69 percent chance of qualifying for the World Cup (…nice). They’re playing like a bunch of wimpy, Kombucha-drinking hipsters in an NYC media intramural league. And todayUS soccer legend Alexi Lalas put them on blast in a big, big way, calling them “soft tattooed millionaires.”
“Tim Howard. Tim, the Belgium game ended three years ago. We need you to save the ball now.
“Geoff Cameron. Clean it up, or let’s get someone who will.
“Clint Dempsey. Yeah, you’re a national team legend; now we need you to be a national team leader.
“Michael Bradley. The U.S. does not need you to be zen, the U.S. needs you to play better.
“Jozy Altidore. Is this really as good as it gets? Because it’s still not good enough.”
It’s a beautiful, long-overdue rant. These guys need a good ole fashion Uncle Sam tongue-lashing.