The One Thing You Should Eat At Every Major League Baseball Ballpark This Season: American League Edition

It might not be Christmas Day morning, but MLB’s Opening Day is pretty damn close, as it kicks off another baseball season and gives us all a chance to find our best excuse to blow off work.

One thing that every fan loves while at the ballpark is to eat and drink, which is why I’m giving you the best food to order at every MLB ballpark this season—with today’s menu coming from the American League stadiums and tomorrow’s from the NL’s—so grab a napkin, ’cause some of these are going to be messy.

AL Central

Chicago White Sox: Merkt’s Cheesy Beef Sandwich

Oh. My. God.

I don’t know what in the hell the White Sox were thinking with this sandwich, but whatever it was, I really like it, because this cheesy steak sandwich looks absolutely insane.

Made up of ribeye steak—which is sliced thin and stuck between a hoagie roll—this sandwich gets tossed with Merkt’s cheese and topped with Chi-Town Pico, which is a combo of peppers, tomato and onions.

Just remember to bring gum if you feel like screaming for a foul ball after eating, because your breath will be kickin’ afterwards.

Cleveland Indians: Slider Dog With Fruit Loops

The Cleveland Indians haven’t won a World Series since 1948, but they may have just won the hearts of baseball fans everywhere with their Slider Dog With Fruit Loops, which combines the sweet cereal on top of a hot dog and topped with bacon and mac ‘n cheese for a major league kick in the mouth.

It’s actually too wild not to try—even if it will leave you crapping for the next two days—so take a gamble and order this thing if you get to Progressive Field this season.

Detroit Tigers: Brat Pop

What is a Brat Pop exactly? According to Detroit Free Press, it’s simply a beef patty that’s battered, fried and served on a stick—because, really, who the hell needs bread anyway?

The Tigers have a bunch of new menu items that will blow your mind, but this one just sounds like it needs to be eaten on the reg because who doesn’t like deep-fried stuff?

Kansas City Royals: Champions Alley Burger/Hot Dog

So, how are the Kansas City Royals celebrating their first World Series title in 30 years? With the aptly-named Champions Alley burger and hot dog, obviously.

Both the burger and dog are tempura-battered and stuffed with bacon and cheese, then served with slaw on top to complete the massive dish—and it looks ridiculously tasty.

Minnesota Twins: Tony O’s Cuban Sandwich

Named after legendary Twins player Tony Oliva, the Cuban sandwich that bears his name looks about as solid as he was while playing in the outfield during his Minny days.

It’s made with a blend of Swiss cheese, ham, roasted pork and thinly sliced pickles on a toasted bun, making this a tasty option when in Target Field this season.

AL East

Baltimore Orioles: Crab Pretzel

What the hell else are you going to get while in Baltimore but crab? Nothing, that’s what. That’s what the crab pretzel is the way to go while in Camden Yards, as it combines a soft pretzel, topped with chess and a bunch of crab dip smothered on top. Trust me, there won’t be room for dessert after this thing.

Boston Red Sox: Lobster Roll

Much like the crab in Maryland, lobster in Boston just seems appropriate—and there isn’t a better option in Fenway Park than the Lobster Roll.

Even with its $29 price tag—which is steep as all hell for a baseball snack—this thing is well worth it.

New York Yankees: The Barnyard Wedding

There are tons of new menu options at Yankee Stadium this season, but The Barnyard Wedding is the most absurd.

A three level monstrosity of a burger, this thing includes a hash brown on top of fried chicken which is stacked onto a cheese-covered beef patty. Bring a napkin—and some alka seltzer—when eating it.

Tampa Bay Rays: Bloomin’ Onion

It may not sound like much—considering anyone can get themselves to an Outback Steakhouse for some—but the bloomin’ onion is the thing to get inside of the Rays’ Tropicana Field. How do I know this? Simple, fellow BroBible Editor Cass Anderson told me—and I trust his Cass Facts and general wisdom.

Toronto Blue Jays: Buffalo Cauliflower Poutine

People think of poutine while heading North of the boarder, so, even with crazy new menu options this season, when fans head to the Rogers’ Centre for a Jays game, it’s the Buffalo Cauliflower Poutine that they should consider eating up.

Covered in spicy sauce, this Canadian delicacy includes cheese curds, gravy and scallions to fill you up—and probably make you crap between every single inning.

AL West

Houston Astros: Irish Nachos

Another team with tons of new food items to choose from this season, the Houston Astros may have made a surprise postseason run last year, but they’re going for the title of best grub in the majors in 2016.

My favorite of the new additions are the Irish Nachos, which might look simple, but have to be hella tasty, as they’re made up of kettle chips, jalapeno queso and a couple other toppings that will feel like a home run in your mouth.

Los Angeles Angels: Killer K Burrito

The Angels introduced a few other menu items this year, but, because a lot of them are healthier options, I’d go with the Killer B Burrito from Fresca’s Mexican Grill as the dish to chow on.

Nothing goes better with watching Mike Trout ball out like a 12-inch tortilla loaded with rice, black beans, sour cream, guac, salsa and either chicken or steak, right?

Oakland Athletics: A’s Loaded Chips

Want to know how messy ballpark food can get? Look no further than the Oakland Athletics’ Loaded Chips, which sound about as incredible a snack as any on this list.

Simply slicing open a bag of chips, fans can order either The Gilroy (sea salt kettle chips with parsley, parmesan, hollandaise sauce), the Bases Loaded (sour cream & chive chips with scallions, pork, beer cheese sauce) or the Tex-Mex BBQ (BBQ chips with red cabbage, green cabbage, kohlrabi, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, kale, carrots, pork carnets and BBQ ranch sauce).

Seattle Mariners: The Dungeness Crab Legs and Peel and Eat Shrimp Bucket

Living in Seattle, I can tell you that, if you’re not getting salmon, you’re going to get crab—and nothing beats this enormous bucket of seafood  at an M’s game.

Sure, it’s a little boujis to eat at a baseball game, but it’s well worth it—and will fill your stomach up without making you feel too bloated so you can still drink plenty of beer.

Texas Rangers: The Wicked Pig

It’s almost as if I’ve saved the best for last here, because what the Texas Rangers have done to their menu for this season is about as wild as one could imagine.

In addition to the pictured Wicked Pig—which is a double-decker sandwich that has five types of pork: pulled, bacon, sausage, prosciutto and ham, and is then topped with coleslaw and pork rinds—the Rangers added a Chicken & Donut Skewer, too.

I’m not sure if a personal nurse comes with the order to monitor your heart, though.