Over the summer, the Atlanta Braves turned the intermission entertainment game on its head when they introduced the world to “Beat The Freeze,” a competition in which fans got a head start and a chance to beat a former college sprinter turned grounds crew worker in a blue bodysuit in a sprint from foul pole to foul pole. In a league where races between sausages and former presidents can be the most exciting aspect of many games, it was a revolutionary new approach to entertaining the people who didn’t use a break in the action as an excuse to spend too much money on beer.
This season, the Atlanta Hawks decided to take some inspiration from their hometown brethren by enlisting the help of AND1 Mixtape Tour legend Hot Sauce. Fans are given 24 seconds to stop the streetballer from scoring with a $50 gift card on the line (as well as a new set of tires if they manage to steal the ball) and things normally play out as follows: Hot Sauce plays with his competitor like a mouse plays with its prey for around 15 seconds before embarrassing them in some spectacular fashion and finishing with an easy lay-up.
Last night’s contestant/victim was notorious herb Darren Rovell, who possesses just enough self-awareness to retain a little bit of likeability. He said he was going to make Hot Sauce retire, but to paraphrase anyone who disagrees with an athlete who has the nerve to express any opinion remotely related to politics, he should stick to sports reporting.
I’d like to offer my sincerest apologies to anyone who just had their day ruined by seeing Darren Rovell in short shorts.