If you’ve ever wondered who at ESPN wields the biggest swinging dick you can finally have your answers. And by biggest swinging Richard I of course mean who gets paid the most at ESPN, and I’m not actually referring to the size of someone’s penis. Because everyone knows that John Clayton (and his mullet) is the man trying to hide a baby elephant trunk in his trousers. But thanks to a tweet from Jim Miller, the authority on all things ESPN, we now know who gets paid the most at ESPN.
This particular individual won a Super Bowl for the beleaguered NFL team that I’ve been rooting for my entire life, and what I found to be the most interesting part about his ESPN salary is that he’s actually earning $2.5 million dollars MORE per year in salary working at ESPN ($6.5 million per year) than he was working in the NFL. I found that little tidbit of information rather interesting because it likely explains why any time this man’s name is tied to NFL rumors nothing ever ends up happening.
— James Andrew Miller (@JimMiller) September 29, 2015
When it comes to salary, contract negotiations, and the cost of doing business there aren’t many companies on planet earth that are more secretive than ESPN. It’s not strange at all that ESPN keeps their internal financial reports closely guarded, most companies do, but due to the fact that most of us are glued to ESPN 24/7/365 as our source for everything related to sports I think there’s an individual familiarity each of us have bonded with ESPN that just doesn’t exist with other companies.
Between watching sports, getting sports news, and fantasy sports each of us are spending an absolutely asinine amount of time on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis with ESPN. So in many ways the ad dollars ESPN is making off each of us is going directly towards paying Jon Gruden’s salary. So from now on whenever you’re watching Monday Night Football and you hear Gruden say some ridiculous shit I want you to bust out ‘Can you believe this guy? Saying this crap while I’m paying his salary!’ in the same way that you should always tell a cop that you pay his salary whenever you get pulled over for speeding.