We here at BroBible love two things: Puns and sex. And football. Three things. We love three things: Puns and sex and football.
Which is why, one day, when someone in our group chat made some infantile ass remark like “Kansas City Chiefs, more like Kansas City Queefs” (it was probably David), that led to a tremendously unproductive hour in which we all did nothing but try and come up with the best puns a horny teenage boy would make for every single NFL team.
That tremendous time suck led to some wonderful names that were too good not to share with you Bros.
Here they are.
[All illustrations by the wonderful Chris Illuminati and credit goes to everyone on the Bro squad who helped come up with these.]
AFC EAST
Buffalo Ball Gags
New England Pancake Tits
New York Jizz
Miami Deadfish
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Spray Men
Cincinnati Bang Gals
Cleveland Blown
Clitsburgh Feelers
AFC SOUTH
Houston Sextings
Indianapolis Cucks
Jacksonville Jagoffs
Tennessee Tits and Ass
AFC WEST
Denver Nymphos
Kansas City Queefs
Oakland Panty Raiders
San Diego Discharges
NFC EAST
Dallas Plowboys
Filthydelphia Spread Eagles
New York Giant Salami Nipples
Washington Blumpkins
NFC NORTH
Chicago Barebacks
Detroit Hymens
Green Bay Box Packers
Minnesota Fap Kings
NFC SOUTH
Atlanta Fullcums
Carolina Sex Panthers
New Orifice Taints
Tampa Bay Fuckaneers
NFC WEST
Arizona Hard in Holes
Los Angeles Rammed
San Francisco 69ers
Seattle Cockblocks
And there you have it. Horny teens indeed.