Pretty much everyone has a certain food they absolutely will not touch. For some people it’s certain vegetables, some very questionable people don’t like chocolate, and some of the strangest people walking the planet avoid pizza at all costs.
Having said that, we can all find common ground in the condiment game. Everyone has a favorite condiment whether it be ketchup, mustard, ranch, or whatever, the general consensus among people with tastebuds is that sauces are good.
Apparently for sports announcer Ian Eagle, that’s not exactly the case.
During a recent appearance on The Dan Le Batard Show, Eagle made one of the most bizarre food-related statements in the history of food-related statements. The man said that he’s never ingested a condiment.
“It’s not that I don’t like them, I’ve never ingested them,” Eagle said. “There’s a distinction between the two.”
So he likes condiments, but just chooses not to ingest them? What the hell does that even mean?
Imagine eating a burger without any sort of condiment, having a salad without dressing, eating plain chicken tenders, or eating french fries without dipping it into any sort of sauce. That sounds like a miserable time, but it’s the life Eagle leads.
The topic of dipping french fries came about after Eagle’s outrageous claim and when he was asked what he dipped his fries in he responded with “salt.” The man dips his fries in salt.
“Salt. If you feel like you need the whole motion of dipping, you do that. I don’t feel the need to dip.”
“I don’t feel the need to dip?” Again, what the hell is going on here?
This is only the start of this insane conversation. After claiming he’d never ingested a condiment, he did say that he eats barbecue sauce, which is, ya know, a condiment.
“I do have barbecue sauce,” he said. “I don’t consider that a condiment, although I know deep in my heart it’s a mixture of a lot of crap. But I think I try to just pretend that it’s not, so I’d rather not get into the ingredients of it but I do have barbecue sauce. I’m not a communist.”
Are you sure you’re not a communist, Ian?
The last blow to the world of food came when chicken wings were brought up. He does eat chicken wings but explained that blue cheese could end him and that he’s never had it in his life.
“I’ve never had blue cheese in my life,” Eagle said. “That might be my eternal kryptonite. If you’re gonna go and pick one item, it would be between blue cheese and mustard that could end me—right there. End me.”
I need to see a picture of this man’s fridge. Every American’s fridge has at least 5-10 bottles of expired sauce in it at this moment. I mean, does this man even need to own a fridge if he doesn’t just fill it with sauces?