Jack White Threw Out the First Pitch at a Tigers Game, Didn’t Smile

Jack White made superimportant headlines week when he took in a Chicago Cubs game with a big frowny face. It was, after all, an important issue and I personally spilled many words on the topic.

The simple rocker took his considerable baseball talents to his hometown of Detroit last night to prove he is more than just a passive observer of the game.

The righthander’s first pitch wouldn’t have required a nation of seven armies to hold it back. One small gust of wind would have done the trick.

OK, so it wasn’t a blazing fastball. Big deal. At least he had fun, right?

No? Dammit. How does a person not crack a smile in the presence of Santa Claus?

White also gave Fox Sports Detroit a pregame interview. Dude was practically bubbling over with energy and zest for life — by Jack White standards at least.

One day this guy is going to smile and we’re going to catch him. Hang in there, gang.