Jerry Jones Serves Up Impressive Word Salad While Outlining Cowboys Approach To Contract Extensions

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones understandably feels like it’s his responsibility to address the many concerns shared by the fans of the franchise he’s presided over for 35 years, but his attempts to do that on Thursday left a bit to be desired thanks to the rambling we were treated to when he attempted to outline his approach to contract extensions.

Fans of the Dallas Cowboys are painfully aware the team hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 1996, and while they’ve been a perennial playoff contender since then, it hasn’t even been able to make it to the NFC Championship despite appearing in the postseason 13 times since its last title.

There’s been plenty of blame to go around during a drought that’s lasted close to three decades, but the buck ultimately stops with Jerry Jones.

The 81-year-old billionaire has made it very clear he has the final say when it comes to roster and coaching decisions, but it’s hard to blame Cowboys fans for wondering if it’s time for him to delegate a bit more based on the lackluster results they’ve been forced to settle for.

Those supporters are currently waiting with bated breath as Jones and the Cowboys attempt to negotiate new deals with Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb, and Micah Parsons before they enter free agency (the first two will be able to hit the open market after the end of the season, while Parsons has to wait until 2026).

On Thursday, Jones got the chance to address that ongoing process during his “State of the Cowboys” address but opted to do so by deploying a batch of mixed metaphors over the course of 90 seconds before eventually comparing himself to Patrick Mahomes.

I took the time to transcribe his words to see if they made more sense when they were written out, but I do not think that’s the case:

“We are so involved in trying to see where we are with our situations. That is a major part of seeing the leaves fall, seeing the time go by, seeing this day and this week—how they go by.

And by the way, I have, in my life, played option quarterback so many times and wait until the last leaf on the tree.

If you want to picture a pure option quarterback going out to the sideline, I have run that ball and kept it—not handed it off to the back, not pitched it back, not thrown it—and I have run that thing all the way out to the sideline before I made the decision. Because I couldn’t get whatever it took;  it wasn’t right for me, to make the decision.

So what our fans, what you’re seeing, what we deal with is we’re buying time. We’re option quarterbacking and we’re going on out to the sideline and we haven’t handed it off, haven’t pitched it, we’re trying to make our mind up what to do.

Does that sound like Mahomes to you a little bit?”

That’s a lot of words to essentially say “We’re not in a rush to make a decision,” and Jones supplemented those thoughts by once again stressing he’s “All in” and more concerned with the current season than what transpires afterward.

I wish Cowboys fans the best of luck with dealing with what’s in store.