Tis the season for watching Home Alone. To celebrate, a professor of anatomy explained how badly Kevin McCallister’s traps would have actually hurt the Wet Bandits in Home Alone. (Hint: They’d probably be dead.)
We all laugh at how a 10-year-old kid outsmarts two fully grown, but not very bright, home burglars in the film. Naturally, such a thing requires more than a little suspension of disbelief. However, nothing in Home Alone pushes past the boundaries of reality more than how much damage the Wet Bandits suffered at the hands of that kid.
“How on earth did the Wet Bandits survive the first film at all, let alone escape without lasting injuries?” Adam Taylor, Professor of Anatomy at Lancaster University recently wrote, referring to their reappearance in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
He explains that many of the traps set up by Kevin “involve levels of force that would be catastrophic in real life.” For instance, he added, “A 100lb (45kg) bag of cement to the head, bricks dropped from height, or heavy tools swung at the face are not things a human body can simply shrug off.”
Professor Taylor explained: “A rough calculation of the forces involved when a 100lb bag of cement strikes the head suggests instant fatal injury. The neck simply cannot absorb that level of force.”
‘Head injuries are only part of the problem’ for the Wet Bandits
“Many of Kevin’s traps would also place enormous stress on the chest and major blood vessels,” the professor continued. “Falling forward from a height, being crushed by heavy objects, or being struck in the torso can cause severe internal injuries. These forces are commonly seen in high-speed, head-on car crashes. In extreme cases, the impact can rupture the aorta, the body’s main artery, which is almost always fatal.”
Other examples…
- The shelf stacked with paint tins that falls on Marv could cause serious internal injury.
- Paint splashed into Marv’s eyes could cause chemical burns and blindness.
- The slips and falls that Marv and Harry suffered could have caused brain bleeds.
- Prolonged exposure to electricity, such as what happened to Marv, could trigger cardiac arrest and cause fourth-degree burns.
- Stepping on a nail can damage nerves and soft tissues and may lead to a serious infection.
- A blowtorch lighting Harry’s head on fire would cause permanent nerve damage, and the third or even fourth degree burns he would suffer could be fatal.
- On top of that, the kerosene used by the blowtorch could lead to kidney damage, heart problems, central nervous system depression, and serious respiratory issues.
“In short, Harry and Marv are walking medical impossibilities,” Professor Taylor concluded. “Surviving a second round of Kevin McCallister’s festive booby traps would require extraordinary luck, immediate trauma care, and months of rehabilitation. Even if they appeared outwardly fine, the internal damage would probably be devastating. Perhaps those lingering injuries explain why the Wet Bandits never made it back for another sequel.”