Kirby Lee-Imagn Images
Rob Ryan was introduced as the new USC Trojans assistant head coach and linebackers coach on Wednesday. What followed was a 19-minute press conference that, at multiple times, was completely unhinged.
The last time Rob Ryan made any real noteworthy news was way back in 2017 when he and his brother Rex got into a bar brawl in Nashville after they had both been fired as coaches of the Buffalo Bills. Rob would go on to coach for Washington Redskins, Baltimore Ravens, and Las Vegas Raiders after that incident, but he kept pretty quiet.
Those quiet days now appear to be over as Rob Ryan’s introductory press conference at USC was a roller coaster ride of WTF.
The biggest WTF part of the press conference might have been when Rob Ryan went off on a tangent that began with him talking about one of his former players during his time with the Cleveland Browns, Kaluka Maiava, whose nephew Jayden just so happens to be the current starting quarterback at USC.
“I’m looking forward for the, what do you call it, spring ball or whatever,” Rob Ryan began. “I can’t wait. We’re going to go against the best. Oh good! Bring it on! Let’s see. I can’t wait to see that little juco kid from Hutch. Bam! We’re going to get after his little butt.
“But anyway, it’ll be great. We’re excited, you know? And I saw the Maiava guy. I coached his uncle. I hated that kid when I first saw him. A USC kid. A little captain. Remember he could walk under this table right here. Little guy. We draft this little runt, like, oh man, this guy. I was all over this kid during the OTAs. Man, this guy, man, you got to run to cover a guy.
“Anyway, so then I’m like, hey guys, so I’m going on vacation with the family. Going out to Hawaii. Going to Maui. I’ve never been to Maui. I I run things in Oahu, but I’m going to go to Maui. He’s like, hey Rob, you get in any kind of trouble now, you just tell them you know Kaluks. I’m like, man, yeah I’m going to tell them I know Kaluks. You get the hell out of here.
[At this point Rob Ryan isn’t even visible to the camera as he has walked away from the podium stage right. Mind you, he is still talking.]
“I walk out there to the usual. Got the whole, got me and the wife there. Oh, we’re going to have a romantic evening. Go out there. No rent-a-car. What do you mean you never called for the rent-a-car? I told you she’s Greek. I’m like, yeah, they must have lost it. So of course I forgot to call, now they’re out of cars. I’m in Maui, I got no car, so what do I do? I know Kaluks. I got a car, oh, you know Kaluks? Swear to God. Hand to God. True story.
[Ryan disappeared again at this point, walking off camera to the left. Still talking, of course.]
“I got a van. I’m like, yeah, Kaluks, my man. Anyway I ended up loving the kid. He was, oh man, mean as a rattlesnake and there was a reason why that kid was captain with all those first round draft choices. I love that guy. Ended up, looks going to be deceiving.
“Sorry. Threw that one off track there. You know, I figured Luka, you might, you know, joined the Lakers now, I mean, I thought you might have a question, you know? No? Okay? What else we got?”
[And, scene.]